Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, ELEGY ON DAVID LAING, ESQ., by THOMAS HOOD


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Classic and Contemporary Poetry

ELEGY ON DAVID LAING, ESQ., by                 Poet Analysis     Poet's Biography
First Line: Ah me! What causes such complaining breath
Last Line: In chaise and pair -- and lain in pere-la-chaise!
Subject(s): Gretna Green, England; Laing, David (1755-1827)


BLACKSMITH AND JOINER (WITHOUT LICENCE) AT GRETNA GREEN.

AH me! what causes such complaining breath,
Such female moans, and flooding tears to flow?
It is to chide with stern, remorseless Death,
For laying Laing low!
From Prospect House there comes a sound of woe --
A shrill and persevering loud lament
Echoed by Mrs. J.'s Establishment
"For Six Young Ladies,
In a retired and healthy part of Kent."
All weeping, Mr. L ---- gone down to Hades!
Thoughtful of grates, and convents, and the veil!
Surrey takes up the tale,
And all the nineteen scholars of Miss Jones
With the two parlour-boarders and th' apprentice --
So universal this mis-timed event is --
Are joining sobs and groans!
The shock confounds all hymeneal planners
And drives the sweetest from their sweet behaviours;
The girls at Manor House forget their manners,
And utter sighs like paviours!
Down -- down through Devon and the distant shires
Travels the news of Death's remorseless crime;
And in all hearts, at once, all hope expires
Of matches against time!

Along the northern route
The road is water'd by postilions' eyes;
The topboot paces pensively about,
And yellow jackets are all strained with sighs;
There is a sound of grieving at the Ship,
And sorry hands are ringing at the Bell,
In aid of David's knell.
The postboy's heart is cracking -- not his whip --
To gaze upon those useless empty collars
His way-worn horses seem so glad to slip --
And think upon the dollars
That used to urge his gallop -- quicker! quicker!
All hope is fled
For Laing is dead --
Vicar of Wakefield -- Edward Gibbon's vicar!
The barristers shed tears
Enough to feed a snipe (snipes live on suction),
To think in after years
No suits will come of Gretna green abduction,
Nor knaves inveigle
Young heiresses in marriage scrapes or legal.
The dull reporters
Look truly sad and seriously solemn
To lose the future column
On Hymen-Smithy and its fond resorters!
But grave Miss Daulby and the teaching brood
Rejoice at quenching the clandestine flambeau --
That never real beau of flesh and blood
Will henceforth lure young ladies from their Chambaud.

Sleep -- David Laing -- sleep
In peace, though angry governesses spurn thee!
Over thy grave a thousand maidens weep,
And honest postboys mourn thee!
Sleep, David! -- safely and serenely sleep,
Be-wept of many a learned legal eye!
To see the mould above thee in a heap
Drowns many a lid that heretofore was dry! --
Especially of those that, plunging deep
In love, would "ride and tie!" --
Had I command, thou shouldst have gone thy ways
In chaise and pair -- and lain in Pere-la-Chaise!





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