Classic and Contemporary Poetry

THE CITY MADAM, by PHILIP MASSINGER Poet's Biography
First Line: The ship is safe in the pool then?
Last Line: A distance 'twixt the city and the court. [exeunt

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.

LORD LACY.
SIR JOHN FRUGAL, a Merchant.
SIR MAURICE LACY, Son of Lord Lacy.
MR. PLENTY, a Country Gentleman.
LUKE FRUGAL, Brother of Sir JOHN.
GOLDWIRE, Senior, Gentleman.
TRADEWELL, Senior, Gentleman.
GOLDWIRE, Junior, Apprentice to Sir JOHN FRUGAL.
TRADEWELL, Junior, Apprentice to Sir JOHN FRUGAL.
STARGAZE, an Astrologer.
HOIST, a Decayed Gentleman.
FORTUNE, a Decayed Merchant.
PENURY, a Decayed Merchant.
HOLDFAST, Steward to Sir JOHN FRUGAL.
RAMBLE, Two Hectors.
SCUFFLE,
DING'EM, a Pimp.
GETTALL, a Box-keeper.
Page, Sheriff, Marshal, Serjeants.

LADY FRUGAL.
ANNE, Daughter of Lady Frugal.
MARY, Daughter of Lady Frugal.
MILLICENT, her Woman.
SHAVE'EM, a Courtezan.
SECRET, a Bawd.

Orpheus, Charon, Cerberus, Chorus, Musicians, Porters, Servants.

SCENE.—LONDON.

ACT THE FIRST.

SCENE I.—A Room in Sir JOHN FRUGAL'S House.

Enter GOLDWIRE junior and TRADEWELL junior.

GOLD. The ship is safe in the Pool then?
Trade. And makes good
In her rich fraught, the name she bears, "The Speedwell:"
My master will find it; for, on my certain knowledge,
For every hundred that he ventured in her,
She hath returned him five.
Gold. And it comes timely;
For, besides a payment on the nail for a manor
Late purchased by my master, his young daughters
Are ripe for marriage.
Trade. Who? Nan and Mall?
Gold. Mistress Anne and Mary, and with some addition,
Or 'tis more punishable in our house
Than scandalum magnatum.
Trade. 'Tis great pity
Such a gentleman as my master (for that title
His being a citizen cannot take from him)
Hath no male heir to inherit his estate
And keep his name alive.
Gold. The want of one
Swells my young mistresses and their madam-mother
With hopes above their birth and scale; their dreams are
Of being made countesses; and they take state
As they were such already. When you went
To the Indies, there was some shape and proportion
Of a merchant's house in our family; but since
My master, to gain precedency for my mistress
Above some elder merchants' wives, was knighted,
'Tis grown a little court in bravery,
Variety of fashions, and those rich ones:
There are few great ladies going to a mask
That do outshine ours in their every-day habits.
Trade. 'Tis strange my master in his wisdom can
Give the reins to such exorbitance.
Gold. He must,
Or there's no peace nor rest for him at home:
I grant his state will bear it; yet he's censured
For his indulgence, and, for Sir John Frugal,
By some styled Sir John Prodigal.
Trade. Is his brother,
Master Luke Frugal, living?
Gold. Yes; the more
His misery, poor man!
Trade. Still in the counter?
Gold. In a worse place. He was redeemed from the hole,
To live, in our house, in hell; since, his base usage
Considered, 'tis no better. My proud lady
Admits him to her table; marry, ever
Beneath the salt, and there he sits the subject
Of her contempt and scorn; and dinner ended
His courteous nieces find employment for him
Fitting an under-prentice or a footman,
And not an uncle.
Trade. I wonder, being a scholar,
Well read, and travelled, the world yielding means
For men of such desert, he should endure it.
Gold. He does, with a strange patience; and to us,
The servants, so familiar, nay humble!

Enter STARGAZE, LADY FRUGAL, ANNE, MARY, and MILLICENT, in several
affected postures, with looking-glasses at their girdles.

I'll tell you—but I am cut off. Look these
Like a citizen's wife and daughters?
Trade. In their habits
They appear other things: but what are the motives
Of this strange preparation?
Gold. The young wagtails
Expect their suitors: the first, the son and heir
Of the Lord Lacy, who needs my master's money,
As his daughter does his honour; the second, Mr. Plenty,
A rough-hewn gentleman, and newly come
To a great estate; and so all aids of art
In them's excusable.
L. Frug. You have done your parts here:
To your study; and be curious in the search
Of the nativities. [Exit STARGAZE.
Trade. Methinks the mother,
As if she could renew her youth, in care,
Nay curiosity, to appear lovely,
Comes not behind her daughters.
Gold. Keeps the first place;
And though the church-book speak her fifty, they
That say she can write thirty, more offend her
Than if they taxed her honesty: t'other day,
A tenant of hers, instructed in her humour,
But one she never saw, being brought before her,
For saying only, "Good young mistress, help me
To the speech of your lady-mother," so far pleased her,
That he got his lease renewed for't.
Trade. How she bristles!
Prithee, observe her.
Mill. As I hope to see
A country knight's son and heir walk bare before you
When you are a countess, as you may be one
When my master dies, or leaves trading; and I, continuing
Your principal woman, take the upper hand
Of a squire's wife, though a justice, as I must
By the place you give me; you look now as young
As when you were married.
L. Frug. I think I bear my years well.
Mill. Why should you talk of years? Time hath not ploughed
One furrow in your face; and were you not known
The mother of my young ladies, you might pass
For a virgin of fifteen.
Trade. Here's no gross flattery!
Will she swallow this?
Gold. You see she does, and glibly.
Mill. You never can be old; wear but a mask
Forty years hence, and you will still seem young
In your other parts. What a waist is here! O Venus!
That I had been born a king! and here a hand
To be kissed ever;—pardon my boldness, madam.
Then, for a leg and foot, you will be courted
When a great grandmother.
L. Frug. These, indeed, wench, are not
So subject to decaying as the face;
Their comeliness lasts longer.
Mill. Ever, ever!
Such a rare featured and proportioned madam
London could never boast of.
L. Frug. Where are my shoes?
Mill. Those that your ladyship gave order should
Be made of the Spanish perfumed skins?
L. Frug. The same.
Mill. I sent the prison-bird this morning for them;
But he neglects his duty.
Anne. He is grown
Exceeding careless.
Mary. And begins to murmur
At our commands, and sometimes grumbles to us,
He is, forsooth, our uncle!
L. Frug. He is your slave,
And as such use him.
Anne. Willingly; but he's grown
Rebellious, madam.
Gold. Nay, like hen, like chicken.
L. Frug. I'll humble him.

Enter LUKE, with shoes, garters, fans, and roses.

Gold. Here he comes, sweating all over:
He shews like a walking frippery.
L. Frug. Very good, sir:
Were you drunk last night, that you could rise no sooner,
With humble diligence, to do what my daughters
And woman did command you?
Luke. Drunk, an't please you!
L. Frug. Drunk, I said, sirrah! dar'st thou, in a look,
Repine or grumble? Thou unthankful wretch,
Did our charity redeem thee out of prison,
(Thy patrimony spent,) ragged and lousy,
When the sheriff's basket, and his broken meat,
Were your festival-exceedings! and is this
So soon forgotten?
Luke. I confess I am
Your creature, madam.
L. Frug. And good reason why
You should continue so.
Anne. Who did new clothe you?
Marg. Admitted you to the dining-room?
Mill. Allowed you
A fresh bed in the garret?
L. Frug. Or from whom
Received you spending money?
Luke. I owe all this
To your goodness, madam; for it you have my prayers,
The beggar's satisfaction: all my studies
(Forgetting what I was, but with all duty
Remembering what I am) are how to please you.
And if in my long stay I have offended,
I ask your pardon; though you may consider,
Being forced to fetch these from the Old Exchange,
These from the Tower, and these from Westminster,
I could not come much sooner.
Gold. Here was a walk
To breathe a footman!
Anne. 'Tis a curious fan.
Mary. These roses will shew rare: would 'twere in fashion
That the garters might be seen too!
Mill. Many ladies
That know they have good legs, wish the same with you;
Men that way have the advantage.
Luke. I was with
The lady, and delivered her the satin
For her gown, and velvet for her petticoat;
This night she vows she'll pay you. [Aside to GOLDWIRE.
Gold. How I am bound
To your favour, Master Luke!
Mill. As I live, you will
Perfume all rooms you walk in.
L. Frug. Get your fur,
You shall pull them on within. [Exit LUKE.
Gold. That servile office
Her pride imposes on him.
Sir John. [within.] Goldwire! Tradewell!
Trade. My master calls.—We come, sir.
[Exeunt GOLDWIRE and TRADEWELL.

Enter HOLDFAST, and Porters with baskets, &c.

L. Frug. What have you brought there?
Hold. The cream o' the market;
Provision enough to serve a garrison.
I weep to think on't: when my master got
His wealth, his family fed on roots and livers,
And necks of beef on Sundays._____
But now I fear it will be spent in poultry;
Butcher's-meat will not go down.
L. Frug. Why, you rascal, is it
At your expense? what cooks have you provided?
Hold. The best of the city: they've wrought at my lord mayor's.
Anne. Fie on them! they smell of Fleet-lane and Pie-corner.
Mary. And think the happiness of man's life consists
In a mighty shoulder of mutton.
L. Frug. I'll have none
Shall touch what I shall eat, you grumbling cur,
But Frenchmen and Italians; they wear satin,
And dish no meat but in silver.
Hold. You may want, though,
A dish or two when the service ends.
L. Frug. Leave prating;
I'll have my will: do you as I command you. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.—The Street before FRUGAL'S House.

Enter Sir MAURICE LACY and Page.

Sir Maur. You were with Plenty?
Page. Yes, sir.
Sir Maur. And what answer
Returned the clown?
Page. Clown, sir! he is transformed,
And grown a gallant of the last edition;
More rich than gaudy in his habit; yet
The freedom and the bluntness of his language
Continues with him. When I told him that
You gave him caution, as he loved the peace
And safety of his life, he should forbear
To pass the merchant's threshold until you
Of his two daughters had made choice of her
Whom you designed to honour as your wife,
He smiled in scorn.
Sir Maur. In scorn!
Page. His words confirmed it;
They were few, but to this purpose: "Tell your master,
Though his lordship in reversion were now his,
It cannot awe me. I was born a freeman,
And will not yield, in the way of affection,
Precedence to him: I will visit them
Though he sate porter to deny me entrance:
When I meet him next, I'll say more to his face.
Deliver thou this:" then gave me a piece,
To help my memory, and so we parted.
Sir Maur. Where got he this spirit?
Page. At the academy of valour,
Newly erected for the institution
Of elder brothers; where they are taught the ways,
Though they refuse to seal for a duellist,
How to decline a challenge. He himself
Can best resolve you.

Enter PLENTY and three Servants.

Sir Maur. You, sir!
Plenty. What with me, sir?
How big you look! I will not loose a hat
To a hair's breadth: move your beaver, I'll move mine;
Or if you desire to prove your sword, mine hangs
As near my right hand, and will as soon out; though I keep not
A fencer to breathe me. Walk into Moorfields—
I dare look on your Toledo. Do not show
A foolish valour in the streets, to make
Work for shopkeepers and their clubs, 'tis scurvy,
And the women will laugh at us.
Sir Maur. You presume
On the protection of your hinds.
Plenty. I scorn it:
Though I keep men, I fight not with their fingers,
Nor make it my religion to follow
The gallant's fashion, to have my family
Consisting in a footman and a page,
And those two sometimes hungry. I can feed these,
And clothe them too, my gay sir.
Sir Maur. What a fine man
Hath your tailor made you!
Plenty. 'Tis quite contrary,
I have made my tailor, for my clothes are paid for
As soon as put on; a sin your man of title
Is seldom guilty of; but Heaven forgive it!
I have other faults, too, very incident
To a plain gentleman: I eat my venison
With my neighbours in the country, and present not
My pheasants, partridges, and grouse to the usurer;
Nor ever yet paid brokage to his scrivener.
I flatter not my mercer's wife, nor feast her
With the first cherries or peascods, to prepare me
Credit with her husband, when I come to London.
The wool of my sheep, or a score or two of fat oxen
In Smithfield, give me money for my expenses.
I can make my wife a jointure of such lands too
As are not encumbered; no annuity
Or statute lying on them. This I can do,
An it please your future honour, and why, therefore,
You should forbid my being suitor with you,
My dullness apprehends not.
Page. This is bitter. [Aside.
Sir Maur. I have heard you, sir, and in my patience shewn
Too much of the stoic. But to parley further,
Or answer your gross jeers, would write me coward.
This only,—thy great-grandfather was a butcher,
And his son a grazier; thy sire, constable
Of the hundred, and thou the first of your dunghill
Created gentleman. Now you may come on, sir,
You and your thrashers.
Plenty. Stir not, on your lives.
This for the grazier,—this for the butcher. [They fight.
Sir Maur. So, sir!
Page. I'll not stand idle; draw! [to the Servants.] My little
rapier,
Against your bumb blades! I'll one by one dispatch you,
Then house this instrument of death and horror.

Enter Sir JOHN FRUGAL, LUKE, GOLDWIRE junior, and TRADEWELL
junior.

Sir John. Beat down their weapons. My gate ruffian's hall!
What insolence is this?
Luke. Noble Sir Maurice,
Worshipful Master Plenty_____
Sir John. I blush for you.
Men of your quality expose your fame
To every vulgar censure! this at midnight,
After a drunken supper in a tavern,
(No civil man abroad to censure it,)
Had shewn poor in you; but in the day, and view
Of all that pass by, monstrous!
Plenty. Very well, sir;
You looked for this defence.
Sir Maur. 'Tis thy protection;
But it will deceive thee.
Sir John. Hold, -if you proceed thus,
I must make use of the next justice's power,
And leave persuasion; and in plain terms tell you,

Enter Lady FRUGAL, ANNE, MARY, and MILLICENT.

Neither your birth, Sir Maurice, nor your wealth,
Shall privilege this riot. See whom you have drawn
To be spectators of it! can you imagine
It can stand with the credit of my daughters,
To be the argument of your swords? i' the street too?
Nay, ere you do salute, or I give way
To any private conference, shake hands
In sign of peace: he that draws back, parts with
My good opinion. [They shake hands.] This is as it should be.
Make your approaches, and if their affection
Can sympathise with yours, they shall not come,
On my credit, beggars to you. I will hear
What you reply within.
Sir Maur. May I have the honour
To support you, lady? [To ANNE.
Plenty. I know not what's supporting.
But by this fair hand, glove and all, I love you. [To MARY.
[Exeunt all but LUKE.

Enter HOIST, PENURY, and FORTUNE.

Luke. You are come with all advantage. I will help you
To the speech of my brother.
For. Have you moved him for us?
Luke. With the best of my endeavours, and I hope
You'll find him tractable.
Pen. Heaven grant he prove so!
Hoist. Howe'er, I'll speak my mind.

Enter LORD LACY.

Luke. Do so, Master Hoist.
Go in: I'll pay my duty to this lord,
And then I am wholly yours.
[Exeunt HOIST, PENURY, and FORTUNE.
Heaven bless your honour!
L. Lacy. Your hand, Master Luke: the world's much changed with you
Within these few months; then you were the gallant:
No meeting at the horse-race, cocking, hunting,
Shooting, or bowling, at which Master Luke
Was not a principal gamester, and companion
For the nobility.
Luke. I have paid dear
For those follies, my good lord; and 'tis but justice
That such as soar above their pitch, and will not
Be warned by my example, should, like me,
Share in the miseries that wait upon it.
Your honour, in your charity, may do well
Not to upbraid me with those weaknesses,
Too late repented.
L. Lacy. I nor do, nor will;
And you shall find I'll lend a helping hand
To raise your fortunes: how deals your brother with you?
Luke. Beyond my merit, I thank his goodness for't.
I am a free man, all my debts discharged;
Nor does one creditor, undone by me,
Curse my loose riots. I have meat and clothes,
Time to ask Heaven remission for what's past;
Cares of the world by me are laid aside,
My present poverty's a blessing to me,
And though I have been long, I dare not say
I ever lived till now.
L. Lacy. You bear it well;
Yet as you wish I should receive for truth
What you deliver, with that truth acquaint me
With your brother's inclination. I have heard,
In the acquisition of his wealth, he weighs not
Whose ruins he builds upon.
Luke. In that, report
Wrongs him, my lord. He is a citizen,
And would increase his heap, and will not lose
What the law gives him: such as are worldly wise
Pursue that track, or they will ne'er wear scarlet.
But if your honour please to know his temper,
You are come opportunely. I can bring you
Where you, unseen, shall see and hear his carriage
Towards some poor men, whose making or undoing
Depends upon his pleasure.
L. Lacy. To my wish:
I know no object that could more content me. [Exeunt.

SCENE III.—A Counting-room in FRUGAL'S House.

Enter Sir JOHN FRUGAL, HOIST, FORTUNE, PENURY, and GOLDWIRE junior.

Sir John. What would you have me do? reach me a chair.
When I lent my moneys I appeared an angel;
But now I would call in mine own, a devil.
Hoist. Were you the devil's dam, you must stay till I have it,
For as I am a gentleman—

Re-enter LUKE, behind, with Lord LACY, whom he places near the door.

Luke. There you may hear all.
Hoist. I pawned you my land for the tenth part of the value:
Now, 'cause I am a gamester, and keep ordinaries,
And a livery punk or so, and trade not with
The money-mongers' wives, not one will be bound for me:
'Tis a hard case; you must give me longer day,
Or I shall grow very angry.
Sir John. Fret, and spare not.
I know no obligation lies upon me
With my honey to feed drones. But to the purpose,
How much owes Penury?
Gold. Two hundred pounds:
His bond three times since forfeited.
Sir John. Is it sued?
Gold. Yes, sir, and execution out against him.
Sir John. For body and goods?
Gold. For both, sir.
Sir John. See it served.
Pen. I am undone; my wife and family
Must starve for want of bread.
Sir John. More infidel thou,
In not providing better to support them.
What's Fortune's debt?
Gold. A thousand, sir.
Sir John. An estate
For a good man! You were the glorious trader,
Embraced all bargains; the main venturer
In every ship that launched forth; kept your wife
As a lady; she had her caroch, her choice
Of summer houses, built with other men's moneys
Ta'en up at interest, the certain road
To Ludgate in a citizen. Pray you acquaint me,
How were my thousand pounds employed?
For. Insult not
On my calamity; though, being a debtor,
And a slave to him that lends, I must endure it.
Yet hear me speak thus much in my defence;
Losses at sea, and those, sir, great and many,
By storms and tempests, not domestical riots
In soothing my wife's humour, or mine own,
Have brought me to this low ebb.
Sir John. Suppose this true,
What is't to me? I must and will have my money,
Or I'll protest you first, and, that done, have
The statute made for bankrupts served upon you.
For. 'Tis in your power, but not in mine to shun it.
Luke. [comes forward.] Not as a brother, sir, but with such duty,
As I should use unto my father, since
Your charity is my parent, give me leave
To speak my thoughts.
Sir John. What would you say?
Luke. No word, sir,
I hope, shall give offence; nor let it relish
Of flattery, though I proclaim aloud,
I glory in the bravery of your mind,
To which your wealth's a servant. Not that riches
Is, or should be, contemned, it being a blessing
Derived from Heaven, and by your industry
Pulled down upon you; but in this, dear sir,
You have many equals: such a man's possessions
Extend as far as yours; a second hath
His bags as full; a third in credit flies
As high in the popular voice: but the distinction
And noble difference by which you are
Divided from them, is that you are styled
Gentle in your abundance, good in plenty,
And that you feel compassion in your bowels
Of others' miseries, (I have found it, sir,
Heaven keep me thankful for't!) while they are cursed
As rigid and inexorable.
Sir John. I delight not
To hear this spoke to my face.
Luke. That shall not grieve you.
Your affability and mildness, clothed
In the garments of your [thankful] debtors' breath,
Shall everywhere, though you strive to conceal it,
Be seen and wondered at, and in the act
With a prodigal hand rewarded. Whereas, such
As are born only for themselves, and live so,
Though prosperous in worldly understandings,
Are but like beasts of rapine that by odds
Of strength usurp and tyrannize o'er others
Brought under their subjection.
L. Lacy. A rare fellow!
I am strangely taken with him.
Luke. Can you think, sir,
In your unquestioned wisdom, I beseech you,
The goods of this poor man sold at an outcry,
His wife turned out of doors, his children forced
To beg their bread; this gentleman's estate,
By wrong extorted, can advantage you?
Hoist. If it thrive with him, hang me, as it will damn him,
If he be not converted.
Luke. You are too violent.—
Or that the ruin of this once brave merchant,
For such he was esteemed, though now decayed,
Will raise your reputation with good men?
But you may urge, (pray you pardon me, my zeal
Makes me thus bold and vehement,) in this
You satisfy your anger and revenge
For being defeated. Suppose this, it will not
Repair your loss, and there was never yet
But shame and scandal in a victory,
When the rebels unto reason, passions, fought it.
Then for revenge, by great souls it was ever
Contemned, though offered; entertained by none
But cowards, base and abject spirits, strangers
To moral honesty, and never yet
Acquainted with religion.
L. Lacy. Our divines
Cannot speak more effectually.
Sir John. Shall I be
Talked out of my money?
Luke. No, sir, but entreated
To do yourself a benefit, and preserve
What you possess entire.
Sir John. How, my good brother?
Luke. By making these your beadsmen. When they eat,
Their thanks, next Heaven, will be paid to your mercy;
When your ships are at sea, their prayers will swell
The sails with prosperous winds, and guard them from
Tempests and pirates; keep your warehouses
From fire, or quench them with their tears.
Sir John. No more.
Luke. Write you a good man in the people's hearts,
Follow you everywhere.
Sir John. If this could be_____
Luke. It must, or our devotions are but words.
I see a gentle promise in your eye,
Make it a blessèd act, and poor me rich,
In being the instrument.
Sir John. You shall prevail;
Give them longer day: but, do you hear, no talk of't.
Should this arrive at twelve on the Exchange,
I shall be laughed at for my foolish pity,
Which money-men hate deadly. Take your own time,
But see you break not. Carry them to the cellar;
Drink a health, and thank your orator.
Pen. On our knees, sir.
For. Honest Master Luke!
Hoist. I bless the counter where
You learned this rhetoric.
Luke. No more of that, friends.
[Exeunt LUKE, HOIST, FORTUNE, and PENURY. LORD LACY
comes forward.
Sir John. My honourable lord.
L. Lacy. I have seen and heard all.
Excuse my manners, and wish heartily
You were all of a piece. Your charity to your debtors
I do commend; but where you should express
Your piety to the height, I must boldly tell you
You shew yourself an atheist.
Sir John. Make me know
My error, and for what I am thus censured,
And I will purge myself, or else confess
A guilty cause.
L. Lacy. It is your harsh demeanour
To your poor brother.
Sir John. Is that all?
L. Lacy. 'Tis more
Than can admit defence. You keep him as
A parasite to your table, subject to
The scorn of your proud wife; an underling
To his own nieces: and can I with mine honour
Mix my blood with his that is not sensible
Of his brother's miseries?
Sir John. Pray you, take me with you;
And let me yield my reasons why I am
No opener-handed to him. I was born
His elder brother, yet my father's fondness
To him, the younger, robbed me of my birthright:
He had a fair estate, which his loose riots
Soon brought to nothing; wants grew heavy on him,
And when laid up for debt, of all forsaken,
And in his own hopes lost, I did redeem him.
L. Lacy. You could not do less.
Sir John. Was I bound to it, my lord?
What I possess I may, with justice, call
The harvest of my industry. Would you have me,
Neglecting mine own family, to give up
My estate to his disposure?
L. Lacy. I would have you,
What's passed forgot, to use him as a brother;
A brother of fair parts, of a clear soul,
Religious, good, and honest.
Sir John. Outward gloss
Often deceives, may it not prove so in him!
And yet my long acquaintance with his nature
Renders me doubtful; but that shall not make
A breach between us: let us in to dinner,
And what trust or employment you think fit
Shall be conferred upon him: if he prove
True gold in the touch, I'll be no mourner for it.
L. Lacy. If counterfeit, I'll never trust my judgment.
[Exeunt.

ACT THE SECOND.

SCENE I.—A Room in Sir JOHN FRUGAL'S House.

Enter LUKE, HOLDFAST, GOLDWIRE Junior, and TRADEWELL junior.

HOLD. The like was never seen.
Luke. Why in this rage, man?
Hold. Men may talk of country-christmasses and court-gluttony,
Their thirty-pound buttered eggs, their
pies of carps' tongues,
Their pheasants drenched with ambergris, the carcases
Of three fat wethers bruised for gravy, to
Make sauce for a single peacock; yet their feasts
Were fasts, compared with the city's.
Trade. What dear dainty
Was it, thou murmur'st at?
Hold. Did you not observe it?
There were three sucking pigs served up in a dish,
Ta'en from the sow as soon as farrowèd,
A fortnight fed with dates, and muskadine,
That stood my master in twenty marks apiece,
Besides the puddings in their bellies, made
Of I know not what.—I dare swear the cook that dressed it
Was the devil, disguised like a Dutchman.
Gold. Yet all this
Will not make you fat, fellow Holdfast.
Hold. I am rather
Starved to look on't. But here's the mischief,—though
The dishes were raised one upon another,
As woodmongers do billets, for the first,
The second, and third course, and most of the shops
Of the best confectioners in London ransacked
To furnish out a banquet; yet my lady
Called me penurious rascal, and cried out
There was nothing worth the eating.
Gold. You must have patience,
This is not done often.
Hold. 'Tis not fit it should;
Three such dinners more would break an alderman,
And make him give up his cloak: I am resolved
To have no hand in't. I'll make up my accounts,
And since my master longs to be undone,
The great fiend be his steward: I will pray,
And bless myself from him! [Exit.
Gold. The wretch shews in this
An honest care.
Luke. Out on him! with the fortune
Of a slave he has the mind of one. However
She bears me hard, I like my lady's humour,
And my brother's suffrage to it. They are now
Busy on all hands; one side eager for
Large portions, the other arguing strictly
For jointures and security; but this
Being above our scale, no way concerns us.
How dull you look! in the mean time, how intend you
To spend the hours?
Gold. We well know how we would,
But dare not serve our wills.
Trade. Being 'prentices,
We are bound to attendance.
Luke. Have you almost served out
The term of your indentures, yet make conscience
By starts to use your liberty! Hast thou traded
[To TRADEWELL.
In the other world, exposed unto all dangers,
To make thy master rich, yet dar'st not take
Some portion of the profit for thy pleasure?
Or wilt thou [to GOLD.] being keeper of the cash,
Like an ass that carries dainties, feed on thistles?
Are you gentlemen born, yet have no gallant tincture
Of gentry in you? you are no mechanics,
Nor serve some needy shopkeeper, who surveys
His every-day takings: you have in your keeping
A mass of wealth, from which you may take boldly,
And no way be discovered. He's no rich man
That knows all he possesses, and leaves nothing
For his servants to make prey of. I blush for you,
Blush at your poverty of spirit; you,
The brave sparks of the city!
Gold. Master Luke,
I wonder you should urge this, having felt
What misery follows riot.
Trade. And the penance
You endured for't in the counter
Luke. You are fools,
The case is not the same; I spent mine own money,
And my stock being small, no marvel 'twas soon wasted;
But you without the least doubt or suspicion,
If cautelous, may make bold with your master's.
As, for example, when his ships come home,
And you take your receipts, as 'tis the fashion,
For fifty bales of silk you may write forty;
Or for so many pieces of cloth of bodkin,
Tissue, gold, silver, velvets, satins, taffetas,
A piece of each deducted from the gross
Will ne'er be missed, a dash of a pen will do it.
Trade. Ay, but our fathers' bonds, that lie in pawn
For our honesties, must pay for't.
Luke. A mere bugbear,
Invented to fright children! As I live,
Were I the master of my brother's fortunes,
I should glory in such servants. Didst thou know
What ravishing lechery it is to enter
An ordinary, cap-à-pie, trimmed like a gallant,
For which, in trunks concealed, be ever furnished;
The reverence, respect, the crouches, cringes,
The musical chime of gold in your crammed pockets,
Commands from the attendants, and poor porters_____
Trade. O rare!
Luke. Then sitting at the table with
The braveries of the kingdom, you shall hear
Occurrents from all corners of the world,
The plots, the counsels, the designs of princes,
And freely censure them; the city wits
Cried up, or decried, as their passions lead them;
Judgment having nought to do there.
Trade. Admirable!
Luke. My lord no sooner shall rise out of his chair,
The gaming lord I mean, but you may boldly,
By the privilege of a gamester, fill his room,
For in play you are all fellows; have your knife
As soon in the pheasant; drink your health as freely,
And, striking in a lucky hand or two,
Buy out your time.
Trade. This may be; but suppose
We should be known?
Luke. Have money and good clothes,
And you may pass invisible. Or, if
You love a madam-punk and your wide nostril
Be taken with the scent of cambric smocks,
Wrought and perfumèd_____
Gold. There, there, Master Luke,
There lies my road of happiness!
Luke. Enjoy it.
And, pleasure stolen being sweetest, apprehend
The raptures of being hurried in a coach
To Brentford, Staines, or Barnet.
Gold. 'Tis enchanting.
I have proved it.
Luke. Hast thou?
Gold. Yes, in all these places
I have had my several pagans billeted
For my own tooth, and, after ten-pound suppers,
The curtains drawn, my fiddlers playing all night
"The shaking of the sheets," which I have danced
Again and again with my cockatrice:—Master Luke,
You shall be of my counsel, and we two sworn brothers;
And therefore I'll be open. I am out now
Six hundred in the cash, yet if on a sudden
I should be called to account, I have a trick
How to evade it and make up the sum.
Trade. Is't possible?
Luke. You can instruct your tutor.
How, how, good Tom?
Gold. Why, look you. We cash-keepers
Hold correspondence, supply one another
On all occasions: I can borrow for a week
Two hundred pounds of one, as much of a second,
A third lays down the rest; and, when they want,
As my master's moneys come in I do repay it:
Ka me, ka thee!
Luke. An excellent knot! 'tis pity
It e'er should be unloosed; for me it shall not.
You are shewn the way, friend Tradewell, you may make use on't
Or freeze in the warehouse, and keep company
With the cater, Holdfast.
Trade. No, I am converted.
A Barbican broker will furnish me with outside,
And then, a crash at the ordinary!
Gold. I am for
The lady you saw this morning, who indeed is
My proper recreation.
Luke. Go to, Tom;
What did you make me?
Gold. I'll do as much for you,
Employ me when you please.
Luke. If you are enquired for,
I will excuse you both.
Trade. Kind Master Luke!
Gold. We'll break my master to make you. You know_____
Luke. I cannot love money. Go, boys!
[Exeunt GOLDWIRE and TRADEWELL.
When time serves.
It shall appear I have another end in't. [Exit.

SCENE II.—Another Room in the same.

Enter Sir JOHN FRUGAL, Lord LACY, Sir MAURICE LACY, PLENTY, Lady FRUGAL,
ANNE,
MARY, and MILLICENT.

Sir John. Ten thousand pounds a piece I'll make their portions,
And after my decease it shall be double,
Provided you assure them, for their jointures,
Eight hundred pounds per annum, and entail
A thousand more upon the heirs male
Begotten on their bodies.
L. Lacy. Sir, you bind us
To very strict conditions.
Plenty. You, my lord,
May do as you please: but to me it seems strange
We should conclude of portions and of jointures
Before our hearts are settled.
L. Frug. You say right:
There are counsels of more moment and importance,
On the making up of marriages, to be
Considered duly, than the portion or the jointures,
In which a mother's care must be exacted;
And I, by special privilege, may challenge
A casting voice.
L. Lacy. How's this?
L. Frug. Even so, my lord;
In these affairs I govern.
L. Lacy. Give you way to't?
Sir John. I must, my lord.
L. Frug. 'Tis fit he should, and shall.
You may consult of something else, this province
Is wholly mine.
Sir Maur. By the city custom, madam?
L. Frug. Yes, my young sir; and both must look my daughters
Will hold it by my copy.
Plenty. Brave, i' faith!
Sir John. Give her leave to talk, we have the power to do;
And now, touching the business we last talked of,
In private, if you please.
L. Lacy. 'Tis well remembered:
You shall take your own way, madam.
[Exeunt Lord LACY and Sir JOHN FRUGAL.
Sir Maur. What strange lecture
Will she read unto us?
L. Frug. Such as wisdom warrants
From the superior bodies. Is Stargaze ready
With his several schemes?
Mill. Yes, madam, and attends
Your pleasure.
Sir Maur. Stargaze! lady: what is he?
L. Frug. Call him in.—[Exit MILLICENT.]—You shall first
know him, then admire him
For a man of many parts, and those parts rare ones.
He's every thing, indeed; parcel physician,
And as such prescribes my diet, and foretells
My dreams when I eat potatoes; parcel poet,
And sings encomiums to my virtues sweetly;
My antecedent, or my gentleman-usher,
And as the stars move, with that due proportion
He walks before me: but an absolute master
In the calculation of nativities;
Guided by that ne'er-erring science called
Judicial astrology.
Plenty. Stargaze! sure
I have a penny almanack about me
Inscribed to you, as to his patroness,
In his name published.
L. Frug. Keep it as a jewel.
Some statesmen that I will not name are wholly
Governed by his predictions; for they serve
For any latitude in Christendom,
As well as our own climate.

Re-enter MILLICENT, followed by STARGAZE, with two schemes.

Sir Maur. I believe so.
Plenty. Must we couple by the almanack?
L. Frug. Be silent;
And ere we do articulate, much more
Grow to a full conclusion, instruct us
Whether this day and hour, by the planets, promise
Happy success in marriage.
Star. In omni
Parte, et toto.
Plenty. Good learned sir, in English;
And since it is resolved we must be coxcombs,
Make us so in our own language.
Star. You are pleasant:
Thus in our vulgar tongue then.
L. Frug. Pray you observe him.
Star. Venus, in the west angle, the house of marriage the seventh
house, in trine of Mars, in conjunction of Luna; and Mars almuthen, or lord of
the horoscope.
Plenty. Hey-day!
L. Frug. The angels' language! I am ravished: forward.
Star. Mars, as I said, lord of the horoscope, or geniture, in mutual
reception of each other; she in her exaltation, and he in his triplicite trine
and face, assure a fortunate combination to Hymen, excellent, prosperous, and
happy.
L. Frug. Kneel, and give thanks. [The Women kneel.
Sir Maur. For what we understand not?
Plenty. And have as little faith in?
L. Frug. Be incredulous;
To me 'tis oracle.
Star. Now for the sovereignty of my future ladies, your daughters,
after they are married.
Plenty. Wearing the breeches, you mean?
L. Frug. Touch that point home:
It is a principal one, and, with London ladies,
Of main consideration.
Star. This is infallible: Saturn out of all dignities in his
detriment
and fall, combust: and Venus in the south angle elevated above him,
lady of both
their nativities, in her essential and accidental dignities;
occidental from the
sun, oriental from the angle of the east, in cazini of the
sun, in her joy, and
free from the malevolent beams of infortunes; in a sign
commanding, and Mars in
a constellation obeying; she fortunate, and he dejected: the disposers of
marriage in the radix of the native in feminine figures argue, foretell, and
declare rule, pre-eminence, and absolute sovereignty in women.
L. Frug. Is't possible!
Star. 'Tis drawn, I assure you, from the aphorisms of the old
Chaldeans, Zoroaster the first and greatest magician, Mercurius Trismegistus,
the later Ptolemy, and the everlasting prognosticator, old Erra Pater.
L. Frug. Are you yet satisfied?
Plenty. In what?
L. Frug. That you
Are bound to obey your wives; it being so
Determined by the stars, against whose influence
There is no opposition.
Plenty. Since I must
Be married by the almanack, as I may be,
'Twere requisite the services and duties
Which, as you say, I must pay to my wife,
Were set down in the calendar.
Sir Maur. With the date
Of my apprenticeship.
L. Frug. Make your demands;
I'll sit as moderatrix, if they press you
With over-hard conditions.
Sir Maur. Mine hath the van;
I stand your charge, sweet.
Star. Silence.
Anne. I require first,—
And that, since 'tis in fashion with kind husbands,
In civil manners you must grant,—my will
In all things whatsoever, and that will
To be obeyed, not argued.
L. Frug. And good reason.
Plenty. A gentle imprimis!
Sir Maur. This in gross contains all:
But your special items, lady.
Anne. When I am one,
And you are honoured to be styled my husband,
To urge my having my page, my gentleman-usher,
My woman sworn to my secrets, my caroch
Drawn by six Flanders mares, my coachman, grooms,
Postillion, and footmen.
Sir Maur. Is there aught else
To be demanded?
Anne. Yes, sir, mine own doctor;
French and Italian cooks, musicians, songsters,
And a chaplain that must preach to please my fancy:
A friend at court to place me at a masque;
The private box ta'en up at a new play
For me and my retinue; a fresh habit,
Of a fashion never seen before, to draw
The gallants' eyes, that sit on the stage, upon me;
Some decayed lady for my parasite,
To flatter me, and rail at other madams;
And there ends my ambition.
Sir Maur. Your desires
Are modest, I confess!
Anne. These toys subscribed to,
And you continuing an obedient husband,
Upon all fit occasions you shall fine me
A most indulgent wife.
L. Frug. You have said; give place,
And hear your younger sister.
Plenty. If she speak
Her language, may the great fiend, booted and spurred,
With a scythe at his girdle, as the Scotchman says,
Ride headlong down her throat!
Sir Maur. Curse not the judge,
Before you hear the sentence.
Mary. In some part
My sister hath spoke well for the city pleasures,
But I am for the country's; and must say,
Under correction, in her demands
She was too modest.
Sir Maur. How like you this exordium?
Plenty. Too modest, with a mischief!
Mary. Yes, too modest:
I know my value, and prize it to the worth,
My youth, my beauty_____
Plenty. How your glass deceives you!
Mary. The greatness of the portion I bring with me,
And the sea of happiness that from me flows to you.
Sir Maur. She bears up close.
Mary. And can you, in your wisdom,
Or rustical simplicity, imagine
You have met some innocent country girl, that never
Looked further than her father's farm, nor knew more
Than the price of corn in the market, or at what rate
Beef went a stone? that would survey your dairy,
And bring in mutton out of cheese and butter?
That could give directions at what time of the moon
To cut her cocks for capons against Christmas,
Or when to raise up goslings?
Plenty. These are arts
Would not misbecome you, though you should put in
Obedience and duty.
Mary. Yes, and patience,
To sit like a fool at home, and eye your thrashers;
Then make provision for your slavering hounds,
When you come drunk from an alehouse, after hunting
With your clowns and comrades, as if all were yours,
You the lord paramount, and I the drudge;
The case sir, must be otherwise.
Plenty. How, I beseech you?
Mary. Marry, thus; I will not, like my sister, challenge
What's useful or superfluous from my husband,
That's base all o'er; mine shall receive from me
What I think fit; I'll have the state conveyed
Into my hands, and he put to his pension,
Which the wise viragos of our climate practise;—
I will receive your rents.
Plenty. You shall be hanged first.
Mary. Make sale or purchase: nay, I'll have my neighbours
Instructed, when a passenger shall ask,
Whose house is this? (though you stand by) to answer,
The Lady Plenty's. Or who owns this manor?
The Lady Plenty. Whose sheep are these, whose oxen?
The Lady Plenty's.
Plenty. A plentiful pox upon you!
Mary. And when I have children, if it be inquired
By a stranger, whose they are?—they shall still echo,
My Lady Plenty's, the husband never thought on.
Plenty. In their begetting: I think so.
Mary. Since you'll marry
In the city for our wealth, in justice we
Must have the country's sovereignty.
Plenty. And we nothing.
Mary. A nag of forty shillings, a couple of spaniels,
With a sparhawk, is sufficient, and these too,
As you shall behave yourself, during my pleasure,
I will not greatly stand on. I have said, sir,
Now if you like me, so.
L. Frug. At my entreaty,
The articles shall be easier.
Plenty. Shall they, i' faith?
Like bitch, like whelps.
Sir Maur. Use fair words.
Plenty. I cannot;
I have read of a house of pride, and now I have found one:
A whirlwind overturn it!
Sir Maur. On these terms,
Will your minxship be a lady?
Plenty. A lady in a morris:
I'll wed a pedlar's punk first_____
Sir Maur. Tinker's trull,
A beggar without a smock.
Plenty. Let Monsieur Almanac,
Since he is so cunning with his Jacob's staff,
Find you out a husband in a bowling-alley.
Sir Maur. The general pimp to a brothel.
Plenty. Though that now
All the loose desires of man were raked up in me,
And no means but thy maidenhead left to quench them,
I would turn cinders, or the next sow-gelder,
On my life, should lib me, rather than embrace thee.
Anne. Wooing do you call this!
Mary. A bear-baiting rather.
Plenty. Were you worried, you deserve it, and I hope
I shall live to see it.
Sir Maur. I'll not rail, nor curse you:
Only this, you are pretty peats, and your great portions
Add much unto your handsomeness; but as
You would command your husbands, you are beggars,
Deformed and ugly.
L. Frug. Hear me.
Plenty. Not a word more.
[Exeunt Sir MAURICE LACY and PLENTY
Anne. I ever thought it would come to this.
Mary. We may
Lead apes in hell for husbands, if you bind us
To articulate thus with our suitors. [Both speak weeping.
Star. Now the cloud breaks,
And the storm will fall on me. [Aside.
L. Frug. You rascal! juggler!
[She breaks STARGAZE'S head, and beats him.
Star. Dear madam.
L. Frug. Hold you intelligence with the stars,
And thus deceive me!
Star. My art cannot err;
If it does, I'll burn my astrolabe. In mine own star
I did foresee this broken head and beating;
And now your ladyship sees, as I do feel it,
It could not be avoided.
L. Frug. Did you?
Star. Madam,
Have patience but a week, and if you find not
All my predictions true, touching your daughters,
And a change of fortune to yourself, a rare one,
Turn me out of doors. These are not the men the planets
Appointed for their husbands; there will come
Gallants of another metal.
Mill. Once more trust him.
Anne. Mary. Do, lady-mother.
L. Frug. I am vexed, look to it;
Turn o'er your books; if once again you fool me,
You shall graze elsewhere: come, girls.
Star. I am glad I scaped thus. [Aside. Exeunt.

SCENE III.—Another Room in the same.

Enter Lord LACY and Sir JOHN FRUGAL.

L. Lacy. The plot shows very likely.
Sir John. I repose
My principal trust in your lordship; 'twill prepare
The physic I intend to minister
To my wife and daughters.
L. Lacy. I will do my parts,
To set it off to the life.

Enter Sir MAURICE LACY, and PLENTY.

Sir John. It may produce
A scene of no vulgar mirth. Here come the suitors;
When we understand how they relish my wife's humours,
The rest is feasible.
L. Lacy. Their looks are cloudy.
Sir John. How sits the wind? are you ready to launch forth
Into this sea of marriage?
Plenty. Call it rather,
A whirlpool of afflictions.
Sir Maur. If you please
To enjoin me to it, I will undertake
To find the north passage to the Indies sooner
Than plough with your proud heifer.
Plenty. I will make
A voyage to hell first.—
Sir John. How, sir!
Plenty. And court Proserpine,
In the sight of Pluto, his three-headed porter,
Cerberus, standing by, and all the Furies
With their whips to scourge me for't, than say, I Jeffrey
Take you, Mary, for my wife.
L. Lacy. Why, what's the matter?
Sir Maur. The matter is, the mother (with your pardon, I cannot but
speak so much) is a most unsufferable,
Proud, insolent lady.
Plenty. And the daughters worse.
The dam in years had the advantage to be wicked,
But they were so in her belly.
Sir Maur. I must tell you,
With reverence to your wealth, I do begin
To think you of the same leaven.
Plenty. Take my counsel;
'Tis safer for your credit to profess
Yourself a cuckold, and upon record,
Than say they are your daughters.
Sir John. You go too far, sir.
Sir Maur. They have so articled with us!
Plenty. And will not take us
For their husbands, but their slaves; and so afore-hand
They do profess they'll use us.
Sir John. Leave this heat:
Though they are mine, I must tell you, the perverseness
Of their manners (which they did not take from me,
But from their mother) qualified, they deserve
Your equals.
Sir Maur. True; but what's bred in the bone,
Admits no hope of cure.
Plenty. Though saints and angels
Were their physicians.
Sir John. You conclude too fast.
Plenty. God be wi' you! I'll travel three years, but I'll bury
This shame that lives upon me.
Sir Maur. With your license,
I'll keep him company.
L. Lacy. Who shall furnish you
For your expenses.
Plenty. He shall not need your help,
My purse is his; we were rivals, but now friends,
And will live and die so.
Sir Maur. Ere we go, I'll pay
My duty as a son.
Plenty. And till then leave you.
[Exeunt Sir MAURICE LACY and PLENTY.
L. Lacy. They are strangely moved.
Sir John. What's wealth, accompanied
With disobedience in a wife and children?
My heart will break.
L. Lacy. Be comforted, and hope better:
We'll ride abroad; the fresh air and discourse
May yield us new inventions.
Sir John. You are noble,
And shall in all things, as you please, command me.
[Exeunt.

ACT THE THIRD.

SCENE I.—A Room in SECRET'S House.

Enter SHAVE'EM and SECRET.

SECRET. Dead doings, daughter.
Shave. Doings! sufferings, mother:
For poor men have forgot what doing is;
And such as have to pay for what they do,
Are impotent, or eunuchs.
Secret. You have a friend yet,
And a striker too, I take it.
Shave. Goldwire is so, and comes
To me by stealth, and, as he can steal, maintains me
In clothes, I grant; but alas! dame, what's one friend?
I would have a hundred;—for every hour, and use,
And change of humour I am in, a fresh one:
'Tis a flock of sheep that makes a lean wolf fat,
And not a single lambkin. I am starved,
Starved in my pleasures; I know not what a coach is,
To hurry me to the Burse, or old Exchange:
The neathouse for musk-melons, and the gardens,
Where we traffic for asparagus, are, to me,
In the other world.
Secret. There are other places, lady,
Where you might find customers.
Shave. You would have me foot it
To the dancing of the ropes, sit a whole afternoon there
In expectation of nuts and pippins;
Gape round about me, and yet not find a chapman
That in courtesy will bid a chop of mutton,
Or a pint of drum-wine for me.
Secret. You are so impatient!
But I can tell you news will comfort you,
And the whole sisterhood.
Shave. What's that?
Secret. I am told
Two ambassadors are come over; a French monsieur,
And a Venetian, one of the clarissimi,
A hot-reined marmoset. Their followers,
For their countries' honour, after a long vacation,
Will make a full term with us.
Shave. They indeed are
Our certain and best customers.—[knocking within.]—Who knocks
there?
Ramb. [within.] Open the door.
Secret. What are you?
Ramb. [within.] Ramble.
Scuff. [within.] Scuffle.
Ramb. [within.] Your constant visitants.
Shave. Let them not in;
I know them, swaggering, suburbian roarers,
Sixpenny truckers.
Ramb. [within.] Down go all your windows,
And your neighbours' too shall suffer.
Scuff. [within.] Force the doors!
Secret. They are outlaws, Mistress Shave'em, and there is
No remedy against them. What should you fear?
They are but men; lying at your close ward,
You have foiled their betters.
Shave. Out, you bawd! you care not
Upon what desperate service you employ me,
Nor with whom, so you have your fee.
Secret. Sweet lady-bird,
Sing in a milder key.

Exit, and re-enters with RAMBLE and SCUFFLE.

Scuff. Are you grown proud?
Ramb. I knew you a waistcoateer in the garden alleys,
And would come to a sailor's whistle.
Secret. Good Sir Ramble,
Use her not roughly; she is very tender.
Ramb. Rank and rotten, is she not?
[SHAVE'EM draws her knife.
Shave. Your spittle rogueships
[RAMBLE draws his sword.
Shall not make me so.
Secret. As you are a man, Squire Scuffle,
Step in between them: a weapon of that length
Was never drawn in my house.
Shave. Let him come on.
I'll scour it in your guts, you dog!
Ramb. You brache!
Are you turned mankind? you forgot I gave you,
When we last joined issue, twenty pound_____
Shave. O'er night,
And kicked it out of me in the morning. I was then
A novice, but I know to make my game now.
Fetch the constable.

Enter GOLDWIRE junior, disguised like a Justice of Peace, DING'EM
like
a constable, and Musicians like watchmen.

Secret. Ah me! here's one unsent for,
And a justice of peace, too.
Shave. I'll hang you both, you rascals!
I can but ride:—you for the purse you cut
In Paul's at a sermon; I have smoked you, ha!
And you for the bacon you took on the highway,
From the poor market woman, as she rode
From Rumford.
Ramb. Mistress Shave'em.
Scuff. Mistress Secret,
On our knees we beg your pardon.
Ramb. Set a ransom on us.
Secret. We cannot stand trifling: if you mean to save them,
Shut them out at the back-door.
Shave. First, for punishment,
They shall leave their cloaks behind them; and in sign
I am their sovereign, and they my vassals,
For homage kiss my shoe-sole, rogues, and vanish!
[Exeunt RAMBLE and SCUFFLE.
Gold. My brave virago! The coast's clear; strike up.
[GOLDWIRE, and the rest discover themselves.
Shave. My Goldwire made a justice!
Secret. And your scout
Turned constable, and the musicians watchmen!
Gold. We come not to fright you, but to make you merry:
A light lavolta. [They dance.
Shave. I am tired; no more.
This was your device?
Ding. Wholly his own; he is
No pig-sconce, mistress.
Secret. He has an excellent headpiece.
Gold. Fie! no, not I; your jeering gallants say,
We citizens have no wit.
Ding. He dies that says so:
This was a masterpiece.
Gold. A trifling stratagem,
Not worth the talking of.
Shave. I must kiss thee for it,
Again, and again. [They kiss.
Ding. Make much of her. Did you know
What suitors she had since she saw you_____
Gold. I' the way of marriage?
Ding. Yes, sir; for marriage, and the other thing too;
The commodity is the same. An Irish lord offered her
Five pound a week.
Secret. And a cashiered captain, half
Of his entertainment.
Ding. And a new-made courtier,
The next suit he could beg.
Gold. And did my sweet one
Refuse all this, for me?
Shave. Weep not for joy;
'Tis true. Let others talk of lords and commanders,
And country heirs for their servants; but give me
My gallant 'prentice! he parts with his money
So civilly and demurely, keeps no account
Of his expenses, and comes ever furnished.
I know thou hast brought money to make up
My gown and petticoat, with the appurtenances.
Gold. I have it here, duck; thou shalt want for nothing.
Shave. Let the chamber be perfumed; and get you, sirrah,
[To DING'EM.
His cap and pantofles ready.
Gold. There's for thee,
And thee: that for a banquet.
Secret. And a caudle
Again you rise.
Gold. There. [Gives them money.
Shave. Usher us up in state.
Gold. You will be constant?
Shave. Thou art the whole world to me.
[Exeunt; GOLDWIRE and SHAVE'EM embracing, music
playing before them.

SCENE II.—A Room in Sir JOHN FRUGAL'S House.

Enter LUKE.

Anne. [within.] Where is this uncle?
L. Frug. [within.] Call this beadsman-brother;
He hath forgot attendance.
Mary. [within.] Seek him out;
Idleness spoils him.
Luke. I deserve much more
Than their scorn can load me with, and 'tis but justice
That I should live the family's drudge, designed
To all the sordid offices their pride
Imposes on me; since, if now I sat
A judge in mine own cause, I should conclude
I am not worth their pity. Such as want
Discourse and judgment, and through weakness fall,
May merit man's compassion; but I,
That knew profuseness of expense the parent
Of wretched poverty, her fatal daughter,
To riot out mine own, to live upon
The alms of others, steering on a rock
I might have shunned! O Heaven! it is not fit
I should look upward, much less hope for mercy.

Enter Lady FRUGAL, ANNE, MARY, STARGAZE, and MILLICENT.

L. Frug. What are you devising, sir?
Anne. My uncle is much given
To his devotion.
Mary. And takes time to mumble
A paternoster to himself.
L. Frug. Know you where
Your brother is? it better would become you
(Your means of life depending wholly on him)
To give your attendance.
Luke. In my will I do:
But since he rode forth yesterday with Lord Lacy,
I have not seen him.
L. Frug. And why went not you
By his stirrup? How do you look! were his eyes closed
You'd be glad of such employment.
Luke. 'Twas his pleasure
I should wait your commands, and those I am ever
Most ready to receive.
L. Frug. I know you can speak well;
But say, and do.

Enter Lord LACY.

Luke. Here comes my lord.
L. Frug. Further off:
You are no companion for him, and his business
Aims not at you, as I take it.
Luke. Can I live
In this base condition! [He stands aside.
L. Frug. I hoped, my lord,
You had brought Master Frugal with you; for I must ask
An account of him from you.
L. Lacy. I can give it, lady;
But with the best discretion of a woman,
And a strong fortified patience, I desire you
To give it hearing.
Luke. My heart beats.
L. Frug. My lord, you much amaze me.
L. Lacy. I shall astonish you. The noble merchant,
Who, living, was, for his integrity
And upright dealing, (a rare miracle
In a rich citizen,) London's best honour;
Is_____I am loth to speak it.
Luke. Wondrous strange!
L. Frug. I do suppose the worst; not dead, I hope?
L. Lacy. Your supposition's true, your hopes are false;
He's dead.
L. Frug. Ah me!
Anne. My father!
Mary. My kind father!
Luke. Now they insult not.
L. Lacy. Pray hear me out.
He's dead; dead to the world and you, and now
Lives only to himself.
Luke. What riddle's this?
L. Frug. Act not the torturer in my afflictions;
But make me understand the sum of all
That I must undergo.
L. Lacy. In few words take it:
He is retired into a monastery,
Where he resolves to end his days.
Luke. More strange.
L. Lacy. I saw him take post for Dover, and the wind
Sitting so fair, by this he's safe at Calais,
And ere long will be at Louvain.
L. Frug. Could I guess
What were the motives that induced him to it,
'Twere some allay to my sorrows.
L. Lacy. I'll instruct you,
And chide you into that knowledge; 'twas your pride
Above your rank, and stubborn disobedience
Of these your daughters, in their milk sucked from you:
At home the harshness of his entertainment,
You wilfully forgetting that your all
Was borrowed from him; and to hear abroad
The imputations dispersed upon you,
And justly too, I fear, that drew him to
This strict retirement: and, thus much said for him,
I am myself to accuse you.
L. Frug. I confess
A guilty cause to him; but, in a thought,
My lord, I ne'er wronged you.
L. Lacy. In fact, you have.
The insolent disgrace you put upon
My only son, and Plenty, men that loved
Your daughters in a noble way, to wash off
The scandal, put a resolution in them
For three years travel.
L. Frug. I am much grieved for it.
L. Lacy. One thing I had forgot; your rigour to
His decayed brother, in which your flatteries
Or sorceries made him a co-agent with you,
Wrought not the least impression.
Luke. Hum! this sounds well.
L. Frug. 'Tis now past help: after these storms, my lord,
A little calm, if you please.
L. Lacy. If what I have told you
Shewed like a storm, what now I must deliver
Will prove a raging tempest. His whole estate,
In lands and leases, debts and present monies,
With all the movables he stood possessed of,
With the best advice which he could get for gold
From his learned counsel, by this formal will
Is passed o'er to his brother.—[Giving the will to LUKE, who comes
forward.]—With it take
The key of his counting-house. Not a groat left you,
Which you can call your own.
L. Frug. Undone for ever!
Anne. Mary. What will become of us?
Luke. Hum! [Aside.
L. Lacy. The scene is changed,
And he that was your slave, by Fate appointed
[Lady FRUGAL, MARY and ANNE kneel.
Your governor: you kneel to me in vain,
I cannot help you: I discharge the trust
Imposed upon me. This humility,
From him may gain remission, and, perhaps,
Forgetfulness of your barbarous usage to him.
L. Frug. Am I come to this?
L. Lacy. Enjoy your own, good sir,
But use it with due reverence. I once heard you
Speak most divinely in the opposition
Of a revengeful humour; to these shew it,
And such who then depended on the mercy
Of your brother, wholly now at your devotion,
And make good the opinion I held of you,
Of which I am most confident.
Luke. Pray you rise, [Raises them.
And rise with this assurance, I am still,
As I was of late, your creature; and if raised
In anything, 'tis in my power to serve you.
My will is still the same. O my good lord!
This heap of wealth which you possess me of,
Which to a worldly man had been a blessing,
And to the messenger might with justice challenge
A kind of adoration, is to me
A curse I cannot thank you for; and, much less,
Rejoice in that tranquillity of mind
My brother's vows must purchase. I have made
A dear exchange with him: he now enjoys
My peace and poverty, the trouble of
His wealth conferred on me, and that a burthen
Too heavy for my weak shoulders.
L. Lacy. Honest soul,
With what feeling he receives it!
L. Frug. You shall have
My best assistance, if you please to use it,
To help you to support it.
Luke. By no means;
The weight shall rather sink me, than you part
With one short minute from those lawful pleasures
Which you were born to, in your care to aid me:
You shall have all abundance. In my nature,
I was ever liberal; my lord, you know it;
Kind, affable.—And now methinks I see
Before my face the jubilee of joy,
When 'tis assured my brother lives in me,
His debtors, in full cups, crowned to my health,
With pæans to my praise will celebrate!
For they well know 'tis far from me to take
The forfeiture of a bond: nay, I shall blush,
The interest never paid after three years,
When I demand my principal: and his servants,
Who from a slavish fear paid their obedience,
By him exacted, now, when they are mine,
Will grow familiar friends, and as such use me;
Being certain of the mildness of my temper,
Which my change of fortune, frequent in most men,
Hath not the power to alter.
L. Lacy. Yet take heed, sir,
You ruin not, with too much lenity,
What his fit severity raised.
L. Frug. And we fall from
That height we have maintained.
Luke. I'll build it higher,
To admiration higher. With disdain
I look upon these habits, no way suiting
The wife and daughters of a knighted citizen
Blessed with abundance.
L. Lacy. There, sir, I join with you;
A fit decorum must be kept, the court
Distinguished from the city.
Luke. With your favour,
I know what you would say; but give me leave
In this to be your advocate. You are wide,
Wide the whole region, in what I purpose.
Since all the titles, honours, long descents,
Borrow their gloss from wealth, the rich with reason
May challenge their prerogatives: and it shall be
My glory, nay a triumph, to revive,
In the pomp that these shall shine, the memory
Of the Roman matrons, who kept captive queens
To be their handmaids. And when you appear,
Like Juno, in full majesty, and my nieces,
Like Iris, Hebe, or what deities else
Old poets fancy, (your crammed wardrobes richer
Than various nature's,) and drawn down the envy
Of our western world upon you; only hold me
Your vigilant Hermes with aërial wings,
(My caduceus, my strong zeal to serve you,)
Prest to fetch in all rarities may delight you,
And I am made immortal.
L. Lacy. A strange frenzy! [Aside.
Luke. Off with these rags, and then to bed; there dream
Of future greatness, which, when you awake,
I'll make a certain truth: but I must be
A doer, not a promiser. The performance
Requiring haste, I kiss your hands, and leave you. [Exit.
L. Lacy. Are we all turned statues? have his strange words charmed us?
What muse you on, lady?
L. Frug. Do not trouble me.
L. Lacy. Sleep you too, young ones?
Anne. Swift-winged time till now
Was never tedious to me. Would 'twere night!
Mary. Nay, morning rather.
L. Lacy. Can you ground your faith
On such impossibilities? have you so soon
Forgot your good husband?
L. Frug. He was a vanity
I must no more remember.
L. Lacy. Excellent!
You, your kind father?
Anne. Such an uncle never
Was read of in story!
L. Lacy. Not one word in answer
Of my demands?
Mary. You are but a lord! and know
My thoughts soar higher.
L. Lacy. Admirable! I'll leave you
To your castles in the air.—When I relate this,
It will exceed belief; but he must know it.
[Aside, and exit.
Star. Now I may boldly speak. May it please you, madam,
To look upon your vassal; I foresaw this,
The stars assured it.
L. Frug. I begin to feel
Myself another woman.
Star. Now you shall find
All my predictions true, and nobler matches
Prepared for my young ladies.
Mill. Princely husbands.
Anne. I'll go no less.
Mary. Not a word more;
Provide my night-rail.
Mill. What shall we be to-morrow! [Exeunt.

SCENE III.—Another Room in the same.

Enter LUKE.

Luke. 'Twas no fantastic object, but a truth,
A real truth; nor dream; I did not slumber,
And could wake ever with a brooding eye
To gaze upon't! it did endure the touch;
I saw and felt it! Yet what I beheld,
And handled oft, did so transcend belief,
(My wonder and astonishment passed o'er,)
I faintly could give credit to my senses.
Thou dumb magician—[Taking out a key]—that without a charm
Didst make my entrance easy, to possess
What wise men wish and toil for! Hermes' moly,
Sibylla's golden bough, the great elixir
Imagined only by the alchemist,
Compared with thee are shadows,—thou the substance,
And guardian of felicity! No marvel
My brother made thy place of rest his bosom,
Thou being the keeper of his heart, a mistress
To be hugged ever! In by-corners of
This sacred room, silver in bags, heaped up
Like billets sawed and ready for the fire,
Unworthy to hold fellowship with bright gold
That flowed about the room, concealed itself.
There needs no artificial light; the splendour
Makes a perpetual day there, night and darkness
By that still-burning lamp for ever banished!
But when, guided by that, my eyes had made
Discovery of the caskets, and they opened,
Each sparkling diamond from itself shot forth
A pyramid of flames, and in the roof
Fixed it a glorious star, and made the place
Heaven's abstract or epitome!—rubies, sapphires,
And ropes of orient pearl, these seen, I could not
But look on with contempt. And yet I found,
What weak credulity could have no faith in,
A treasure far exceeding these: here lay
A manor bound fast in a skin of parchment,
The wax continuing hard, the acres melting;
Here a sure deed of gift for a market-town,
If not redeemed this day, which is not in
The unthrift's power: there being scarce one shire
In Wales or England where my monies are not
Lent out at usury, the certain hook
To draw in more. I am sublimed! gross earth
Supports me not! I walk on air!—Who's there?

Enter Lord LACY, with Sir JOHN FRUGAL, Sir MAURICE LACY, and
PLENTY,
painted and disguised as Indians.

Thieves! raise the street! thieves!
L. Lacy. What strange passion's this!
Have you your eyes? do you know me?
Luke. You, my lord,
I do: but this retinue, in these shapes too,
May well excuse my fears. When 'tis your pleasure
That I should wait upon you, give me leave
To do it at your own house, for I must tell you,
Things as they now are with me well considered,
I do not like such visitants.
L. Lacy. Yesterday,
When you had nothing, praise your poverty for't,
You could have sung secure before a thief;
But now you are grown rich, doubts and suspicions,
And needless fears, possess you. Thank a good brother;
But let not this exalt you.
Luke. A good brother!
Good in his conscience, I confess, and wise
In giving o'er the world. But his estate,
Which your lordship may conceive great, no way answers
The general opinion: alas!
With a great charge, I am left a poor man by him.
L. Lacy. A poor man, say you?
Luke. Poor, compared with what
'Tis thought I do possess. Some little land,
Fair household furniture, a few good debts,
But empty bags, I find: yet I will be
A faithful steward to his wife and daughters;
And, to the utmost of my power, obey
His will in all things.
L. Lacy. I'll not argue with you
Of his estate, but bind you to performance
Of his last request, which is, for testimony
Of his religious charity, that you would
Receive these Indians, lately sent him from
Virginia, into your house; and labour,
At any rate, with the best of your endeav ours
Assisted by the aids of our divines,
To make them Christians.
Luke. Call you this, my lord,
Religious charity; to send infidels,
Like hungry locusts, to devour the bread
Should feed his family? I neither can,
Nor will consent to't.
L. Lacy. Do not slight it; 'tis
With him a business of such consequence,
That should he only hear 'tis not embraced,
And cheerfully, in this his conscience aiming
At the saving of three souls, 'twill draw him o'er
To see it himself accomplished.
Luke. Heaven forbid
I should divert him from his holy purpose,
To worldly cares again! I rather will
Sustain the burthen, and, with the converted,
Feast the converters, who, I know, will prove
The greater feeders.
Sir John. Oh, ha, enewah Chrish bully leika.
Plenty. Enaula.
Sir Maur. Harrico botikia bonnery.
Luke. Ha! in this heathen language,
How is it possible our doctors should
Hold conference with them, or I use the means
For their conversion?
L. Lacy. That shall be no hindrance
To your good purposes: they have lived long
In the English colony, and speak our language
As their own dialect; the business does concern you:
Mine own designs command me hence. Continue,
As in your poverty you were, a pious
And honest man. [Exit.
Luke. That is, interpreted,
A slave and beggar.
Sir John. You conceive it right;
There being no religion nor virtue
But in abundance, and no vice but want.
All deities serve Plutus.
Luke. Oracle!
Sir John. Temples raised to ourselves in the increase
Of wealth and reputation, speak a wise man;
But sacrifice to an imagined Power,
Of which we have no sense but in belief,
A superstitious fool.
Luke. True worldly wisdom!
Sir John. All knowledge else is folly.
Sir Maur. Now we are yours,
Be confident your better angel is
Entered your house.
Plenty. There being nothing in
The compass of your wishes, but shall end
In their fruition to the full.
Sir John. As yet,
You do not know us; but when you understand
The wonders we can do, and what the ends were
That brought us hither, you will entertain us
With more respect.
Luke. There's something whispers to me
These are no common men.—[Aside.]—My house is yours,
Enjoy it freely: only grant me this,
Not to be seen abroad till I have heard
More of your sacred principles. Pray enter:
You are learned Europeans, and we worse
Than ignorant Americans.
Sir John. You shall find it. [Exeunt.

ACT THE FOURTH.

SCENE I.—A Room in FRUGAL'S House.

Enter DING'EM, GETTALL, and HOLDFAST.

DING. Not speak with him! with fear survey me better,
Thou figure of famine!
Gett. Coming, as we do,
From his quondam patrons, his dear ingles now,
The brave spark Tradewell—
Ding. And the man of men
In the service of a woman, gallant Goldwire!

Enter LUKE.

Hold. I know them for his 'prentices, without
These flourishes.—Here are rude fellows, sir.
Ding. Not yours, you rascal!
Hold. No, Don Pimp; you may seek them
In Bridewell, or the hole; here are none of your common rogues.
Luke. One of them looks as he would cut my throat:
Your business, friends?
Hold. I'll fetch a constable;
Let him answer him in the stocks.
Ding. Stir, an thou dar'st:
Fright me with Bridewell and the stocks! they are fleabitings
I am familiar with. [Draws.
Luke. Pray you put up:
And, sirrah, hold your peace. [To HOLDFAST.
Ding. Thy word's a law,
And I obey. Live, scrape-shoe, and be thankful.
Thou man of muck and money, for as such
I now salute thee, the suburbian gamesters
Have heard thy fortunes, and I am, in person,
Sent to congratulate.
Gett. The news hath reached
The ordinaries, and all the gamesters are
Ambitious to shake the golden golls
Of worshipful Master Luke. I come from Tradewell,
Your fine facetious factor.
Ding. I from Goldwire:
He and his Helen have prepared a banquet,
With the appurtenances, to entertain thee!
For, I must whisper in thine ear, thou art
To be her Paris: but bring money with thee,
To quit old scores.
Gett. Blind chance hath frowned upon
Brave Tradewell: he's blown up, but not without
Hope of recovery, so you supply him
With a good round sum. In my house, I can assure you,
There's half a million stirring.
Luke. What hath he lost?
Gett. Three hundred.
Luke. A trifle.
Gett. Make it up a thousand,
And I will fit him with such tools as shall
Bring in a myriad.
Luke. They know me well,
Nor need you use such circumstances for them:
What's mine, is theirs. They are my friends, not servants,
But in their care to enrich me; and these courses,
The speeding means. Your name, I pray you?
Gett. Gettall.
I have been many years an ordinary-keeper,
My box my poor revenue.
Luke. Your name suits well
With your profession. Bid him bear up: he shall not
Sit long on Penniless-Bench.
Gett. There spake an angel!
Luke. You know Mistress Shave'em?
Gett. The pontifical punk?
Luke. The same. Let him meet me there some two hours hence:
And tell Tom Goldwire I will then be with him,
Furnished beyond his hopes; and let your mistress
Appear in her best trim.
Ding. She will make thee young,
Old Æson: she is ever furnished with
Medea's drugs, restoratives. I fly
To keep them sober till thy worship come;
They will be drunk with joy else.
Gett. I'll run with you.
[Exeunt DING'EM and GETTALL.
Hold. You will not do as you say, I hope?
Luke. Enquire not;
I shall do what becomes me.—[Knocking within.]—To the door.
[Exit HOLDFAST.
New visitants!

Re-enter HOLDFAST.

What are they?
Hold. A whole batch, sir,
Almost of the same leaven: your needy debtors,
Penury, Fortune, Hoist.
Luke. They come to gratulate
The fortune fallen upon me.
Hold. Rather, sir,
Like the others, to prey on you.
Luke. I am simple; they
Know my good nature: but let them in, however.
Hold. All will come to ruin! I see beggary
Already knocking at the door.—You may enter—
[Speaking to those without.
But use a conscience, and do not work upon
A tender-hearted gentleman too much;
'Twill shew like charity in you.

Enter FORTUNE, PENURY, and HOIST.

Luke. Welcome, friends:
I know your hearts and wishes! you are glad
You have changed your creditor.
Pen. I weep for joy,
To look upon his worship's face.
For. His worship's!
I see lord mayor written on his forehead;
The cap of maintenance and city sword
Borne up in state before him.
Hoist. Hospitals,
And a third Burse, erected by his honour.
Pen. The city poet on the pageant day
Preferring him before Gresham.
Hoist. All the conduits
Spouting canary sack.
For. Not a prisoner left,
Under ten pounds.
Pen. We, his poor beadsmen, feasting
Our neighbours on his bounty.
Luke. May I make good
Your prophecies, gentle friends, as I'll endeavour
To the utmost of my power!
Hold. Yes, for one year,
And break the next.
Luke. You are ever prating, sirrah.
Your present business, friends?
For. Were your brother present,
Mine had been of some consequence; but now
The power lies in your worship's hand, 'tis little,
And will, I know, as soon as asked, be granted.
Luke. 'Tis very probable.
For. The kind forbearance
Of my great debt, by your means, Heaven be praised for't!
Hath raised my sunk estate. I have two ships,
Which I long since gave for lost, above my hopes
Returned from Barbary, and richly freighted.
Luke. Where are they?
For. Near Gravesend,
Luke. I am truly glad of it.
For. I find your worship's charity, and dare swear so.
Now may I have your license, as I know
With willingness I shall, to make the best
Of the commodities, though you have execution,
And after judgment, against all that's mine,
As my poor body, I shall be enabled
To make payment of my debts to all the world,
And leave myself a competence.
Luke. You much wrong me,
If you only doubt it. Yours, Master Hoist?
Hoist. 'Tis the surrendering back the mortgage of
My lands, and on good terms, but three days' patience;
By an uncle's death I have means left to redeem it,
And cancel all the forfeited bonds I sealed to,
In my riots, to the merchant; for I am
Resolved to leave off play, and turn good husband.
Luke. A good intent, and to be cherished in you.
Yours, Penury?
Pen. My state stands as it did, sir;
What I owed I owe, but can pay nothing to you.
Yet, if you please to trust me with ten pounds more,
I can buy a commodity of a sailor,
Will make me a freeman. There, sir, is his name;
And the parcels I am to deal for. [Gives him a paper.
Luke. You are all so reasonable
In your demands, that I must freely grant them.
Some three hours hence meet me on the Exchange,
You shall be amply satisfied.
Pen. Heaven preserve you!
For. Happy were London, if, within her walls,
She had many such rich men!
Luke. No more: now leave me:
I am full of various thoughts.—[Exeunt FORTUNE, HOIST, and
PENURY.]—Be careful, Holdfast;
I have much to do.
Hold. And I something to say,
Would you give me hearing.
Luke. At my better leisure.
Till my return look well unto the Indians;
In the mean time, do you as this directs you.
[Gives him a paper. Exeunt.

SCENE II.—A Room in SHAVE'EM'S House.

Enter GOLDWIRE junior, TRADEWELL junior, SHAVE'EM, SECRET, GETTALL, and
DING'EM.

Gold. "All that is mine is theirs." Those were his words?
Ding. I am authentical.
Trade. And that "I should not
Sit long on Penniless-Bench?"
Gett. But suddenly start up
A gamester at the height, and cry "At all!"
Shave. And did he seem to have an inclination
To toy with me?
Ding. He wished you would put on
Your best habiliments, for he resolved
To make a jovial day on't.
Gold. Hug him close, wench,
And thou mayst eat gold and amber. I well know him
For a most insatiate drabber: he hath given,
Before he spent his own estate, which was
Nothing to the huge mass he's now possessed of,
A hundred pound a leap.
Shave. Hell take my doctor!
He should have brought me some fresh oil of talc,
These ceruses are common.
Secret. Troth, sweet lady,
The colours are well laid on.
Gold. And thick enough:
I find that on my lips.
Shave. Do you so, Jack Sauce!
I'll keep them further off.
Gold. But be assured first
Of a new maintainer, ere you cashier the old one.
But bind him fast by thy sorceries, and thou shalt
Be my revenue; the whole college study
The reparation of thy ruined face;
Thou shalt have thy proper and bald-headed coachman;
Thy tailor and embroiderer shall kneel
To thee, their idol: Cheapside and the Exchange
Shall court thy custom, and thou shalt forget
There e'er was a St. Martin's; thy procurer
Shall be sheathed in velvet, and a reverend veil
Pass her for a grave matron. Have an eye to the door,
And let loud music, when this monarch enters,
Proclaim his entertainment.
Ding. That's my office. [Flourish of cornets within.
The consort's ready.

Enter LUKE.

Trade. And the god of pleasure,
Master Luke, our Comus, enters.
Gold. Set your face in order,
I will prepare him.—Live I to see this day,
And to acknowledge you my royal master?
Trade. Let the iron chests fly open, and the gold,
Rusty for want of use, appear again!
Gett. Make my ordinary flourish!
Shave. Welcome, sir,
To your own palace! [The music plays.
Gold. Kiss your Cleopatra,
And shew yourself, in your magnificent bounties,
A second Antony!
Ding. All the nine worthies!
Secret. Variety of pleasures wait upon you,
And a strong back!
Luke. Give me leave to breathe, I pray you.
I am astonished! all this preparation
For me? and this choice modest beauty wrought
To feed my appetite?
All. We are all your creatures.
Luke. A house well furnished!
Gold. At your own cost, sir,
Glad I the instrument. I prophesied
You should possess what now you do, and therefore
Prepared it for your pleasure. There's no rag
This Venus wears, but, on my knowledge, was
Derived from your brother's cash: the lease of the house,
And furniture, cost near a thousand, sir.
Shave. But now you are master both of it and me,
I hope you'll build elsewhere.
Luke. And see you placed,
Fair one, to your desert. As I live, friend Tradewell,
I hardly knew you, your clothes so well become you.
What is your loss? speak truth.
Trade. Three hundred, sir.
Gett. But, on a new supply, he shall recover
The sum told twenty times o'er.
Shave. There's a banquet,
And after that a soft couch, that attends you.
Luke. I couple not in the daylight. Expectation
Heightens the pleasure of the night, my sweet one!
Your music's harsh, discharge it; I have provided
A better consort, and you shall frolic it
In another place. [The music ceases.
Gold. "But have you brought gold and store, sir?"
Trade. I long to "Ware the caster!"
Gold. I to appear
In a fresh habit.
Shave. My mercer and my silkman
Waited me, two hours since.
Luke. I am no porter,
To carry so much gold as will supply
Your vast desires, but I have ta'en order for you;

Enter Sheriff, Marshal, and Officers.

You shall have what is fitting, and they come here
Will see it performed.—Do your offices: you have
My lord chief-justice's warrant for't.
Sher. Seize them all.
Shave. The city marshal!
Gold. And the sheriff! I know him.
Secret. We are betrayed.
Ding. Undone.
Gett. Dear Master Luke.
Gold. You cannot be so cruel; your persuasion
Chid us into these courses, oft repeating,
"Shew yourselves city-sparks, and hang up money!"
Luke. True; when it was my brother's, I contemned it;
But now it is mine own, the case is altered.
Trade. Will you prove yourself a devil? tempt us to mischief,
And then discover it?
Luke. Argue that hereafter:
In the mean time, Master Goldwire, you that made
Your ten-pound suppers; kept your punks at livery
In Brentford, Staines, and Barnet, and this, in London;
Held correspondence with your fellow-cashiers,
Ka me, ka thee! and knew, in your accounts,
To cheat my brother; if you can, evade me.
If there be law in London, your father's bonds
Shall answer for what you are out.
Gold. You often told us
It was a bugbear.
Luke. Such a one as shall fright them
Out of their estates, to make me satisfaction
To the utmost scruple. And for you, madam,
My Cleopatra, by your own confession,
Your house, and all your moveables, are mine;
Nor shall you nor your matron need to trouble
Your mercer or your silkman; a blue gown,
And a whip to boot, as I will handle it,
Will serve the turn in Bridewell; and these soft hands,
When they are inured to beating hemp, be scoured
In your penitent tears, and quite forget their powders
And bitter almonds.
Shave. Secret. Ding. Will you show no mercy?
Luke. I am inexorable.
Gett. I'll make bold
To take my leave; the gamesters stay my coming.
Luke. We must not part so, gentle Master Gettall.
Your box, your certain income, must pay back
Three hundred, as I take it, or you lie by it.
There's half a million stirring in your house,
This a poor trifle.—Master Shrieve and Master Marshal,
On your perils, do your offices.
Gold. Dost thou cry now [To TRADEWELL.
Like a maudlin gamester after loss? I'll suffer
Like a Roman, and now, in my misery,
In scorn of all thy wealth, to thy teeth tell thee
Thou wert my pander.
Luke. Shall I hear this from
My 'prentice?
Mar. Stop his mouth.
Sher. Away with them.
[Exeunt Sheriff, Marshal, and Officers, with
GOLDWIRE, TRADEWELL, SHAVE'EM, SECRET, GETTALL, and DING'EM.
Luke. A prosperous omen in my entrance to
My altered nature! these house thieves removed,
And what was lost, beyond my hopes recovered
Will add unto my heap; increase of wealth
Is the rich man's ambition, and mine
Shall know no bounds. The valiant Macedon
Having in his conceit subdued one world,
Lamented that there were no more to conquer:
In my way he shall be my great example.
And when my private house, in crammed abundance,
Shall prove the chamber of the city poor,
And Genoa's bankers shall look pale with envy
When I am mentioned, I shall grieve there is
No more to be exhausted in one kingdom.
Religion, conscience, charity, farewell!
To me you are words only, and no more;
All human happiness consists in store. [Exit.

SCENE III.—A Street.

Enter Serjeants with FORTUNE, HOIST, and PENURY.

For. At Master Luke's suit! the action twenty thousand!
1st Serj. With two or three executions, which shall grind you
To powder, when we have you in the counter.
For. Thou dost belie him, varlet! he, good gentleman,
Will weep when he hears how we are used.
1st Serj. Yes, millstones.
Pen. He promised to lend me ten pound for a bargain,
He will not do it this way.
2nd Serj. I have warrant
For what I have done. You are a poor fellow,
And there being little to be got by you,
In charity, as I am an officer,
I would not have seen you, but upon compulsion,
And for mine own security.
3rd Serj. You are a gallant,
And I'll do you a courtesy, provided
That you have money: for a piece an hour,
I'll keep you in the house till you send for bail.
2nd Serj. In the mean time, yeoman, run to the other counter,
And search if there be aught else out against him.
3rd Serj. That done, haste to his creditors: he's a prize,
And as we are city pirates by our oaths,
We must make the best on't.
Hoist. Do your worst, I care not.
I'll be removed to the Fleet, and drink and drab there
In spite of your teeth. I now repent I ever
Intended to be honest.

Enter LUKE

3rd Serj. Here he comes.
You had best tell so.
For. Worshipful sir,
You come in time to free us from these bandogs.
I know you gave no way to't.
Pen. Or if you did,
'Twas but to try our patience.
Hoist. I must tell you
I do not like such trials.
Luke. Are you serjeants,
Acquainted with the danger of a rescue,
Yet stand here prating in the street? the counter
Is a safer place to parley in.
For. Are you in earnest?
Luke. Yes, faith; I will be satisfied to a token,
Or, build upon't, you rot there.
For. Can a gentleman
Of your soft and silken temper, speak such language?
Pen. So honest, so religious?
Hoist. That preached
So much of charity for us to your brother?
Luke. Yes, when I was in poverty it shewed well;
But I inherit with his state, his mind
And rougher nature. I grant then I talked,
For some ends to myself concealed, of pity,
The poor man's orisons, and such like nothings:
But what I thought you all shall feel, and with rigour;
"Kind Master Luke" says it. Who pays for your attendance?
Do you wait gratis?
For. Hear us speak.
Luke. While I,
Like the adder, stop mine ears: or did I listen,
Though you spake with the tongues of angels to me,
I am not to be altered.
For. Let me make the best
Of my ships, and their freight
Pen. Lend me the ten pounds you promised.
Hoist. A day or two's patience to redeem my mortgage,
And you shall be satisfied.
For. To the utmost farthing.
Luke. I'll shew some mercy; which is, that I will not
Torture you with false hopes, but make you know
What you shall trust to.—Your ships to my use
Are seized on.—I have got into my hands
Your bargain from the sailor, 'twas a good one
For such a petty sum.—I will likewise take
The extremity of your mortgage, and the forfeit
Of your several bonds; the use and principal
Shall not serve.—Think of the basket, wretches,
And a coal-sack for a winding-sheet.
For. Broker!
Hoist. Jew!
For. Impostor!
Hoist. Cut-throat!
For. Hypocrite!
Luke. Do, rail on;
Move mountains with your breath, it shakes not me.
Pen. On my knees I beg compassion. My wife and children
Shall hourly pray for your worship.
For. Mine betake thee
To the devil, thy tutor.
Pen. Look upon my tears.
Hoist. My rage.
For. My wrongs.
Luke. They are all alike to me;
Entreaties, curses, prayers, or imprecations.
Do your duties, serjeants; I am elsewhere looked for.
[Exit.
3rd Serj. This your kind creditor!
2nd Serj. A vast villain, rather.
Pen. See, see, the serjeants pity us! yet he's marble.
Hoist. Buried alive!
For. There's no means to avoid it. [Exeunt.

SCENE IV.—A Room in Sir JOHN FRUGAL'S House.

Enter HOLDFAST, STARGAZE, and MILLICENT.

Star. Not wait upon my lady?
Hold. Nor come at her;
You find it not in your almanack.
Mill. Nor I have license
To bring her breakfast?
Hold. My new master hath
Decreed this for a fasting-day. She hath feasted long,
And, after a carnival, Lent ever follows.
Mill. Give me the key of her wardrobe. You'll repent this;
I must know what gown she'll wear.
Hold. You are mistaken,
Dame president of the sweetmeats; she and her daughters
Are turned philosophers, and must carry all
Their wealth about them; they have clothes laid in their chamber,
If they please to put them on, and without help too,
Or they may walk naked. You look, Master Stargaze,
As you had seen a strange comet, and had now foretold
The end of the world, and on what day: and you,
As the wasps had broke into the gallipots,
And eaten up your apricots.
L. Frug. [within.] Stargaze! Millicent!
Mill. My lady's voice.
Hold. Stir not, you are confined here.
Your ladyship may approach them, if you please;
But they are bound in this circle. [Aloud.
L. Frug. [within.] Mine own bees
Rebel against me! When my kind brother knows this,
I will be so revenged!
Hold. The world's well altered.
He's your kind brother now; but yesterday
Your slave and jesting-stock.

Enter Lady FRUGAL, ANNE, and MARY, in coarse habits, weeping.

Mill. What witch hath transformed you?
Star. Is this the glorious shape your cheating brother
Promised you should appear in?
Mill. My young ladies
In buffin gowns, and green aprons! tear them off;
Rather shew all than be seen thus.
Hold. 'Tis more comely,
I wis, than their other whim-whams.
Mill. A French hood too,
Now 'tis out of fashion! a fool's cap would shew better.
L. Frug. We are fooled indeed! by whose command are we used thus?

Enter LUKE.

Hold. Here he comes can best resolve you.
L. Frug. O, good brother!
Do you thus preserve your protestation to me?
Can queens envy this habit? or did Juno
E'er feast in such a shape?
Anne. You talked of Hebe,
Of Iris, and I know not what; but were they
Dressed as we are? they were sure some chandler's daughters
Bleaching linen in Moorfields
Mary. Or Exchange wenches,
Coming from eating pudding-pies on a Sunday,
At Pimlico, or Islington.
Luke. Save you, sister!
I now dare style you so: you were before
Too glorious to be looked on, now you appear
Like a city matron; and my pretty nieces
Such things as were born and bred there. Why should you ape
The fashions of court-ladies, whose high titles
And pedigrees of long descent give warrant
For their superfluous bravery? 'twas monstrous:
Till now you ne'er looked lovely.
L. Frug. Is this spoken
In scorn!
Luke. Fie! no; with judgment. I make good
My promise, and now shew you like yourselves,
In your own natural shapes; and stand resolved
You shall continue so.
L. Frug. It is confessed, sir.
Luke. Sir! sirrah: use your old phrase, I can bear it.
L. Frug. That, if you please, forgotten, we acknowledge
We have deserved ill from you; yet despair not,
Though we are at your disposure, you'll maintain us
Like your brother's wife and daughters.
Luke. 'Tis my purpose.
L. Frug. And not make us ridiculous.
Luke. Admired rather,
As fair examples for our proud city dames,
And their proud brood to imitate. Do not frown;
If you do, I laugh, and glory that I have
The power, in you, to scourge a general vice,
And raise up a new satirist: but hear gently,
And in a gentle phrase I'll reprehend
Your late disguised deformity, and cry up
This decency and neatness, with the advantage
You shall receive by't.
L. Frug. We are bound to hear you.
Luke. With a soul inclined to learn. Your father was
An honest country farmer, Goodman Humble,
By his neighbours ne'er called Master. Did your pride
Descend from him? but let that pass: your fortune,
Or rather your husband's industry, advanced you
To the rank of a merchant's wife. He made a knight,
And your sweet mistress-ship ladyfied, you wore
Satin on solemn days, a chain of gold,
A velvet hood, rich borders, and sometimes
A dainty miniver cap, a silver pin,
Headed with a pearl worth three-pence, and thus far
You were privileged, and no man envied it;
It being for the city's honour that
There should be a distinction between
The wife of a patrician and plebeian.
Mill. Pray you, leave preaching, or choose some other text;
Your rhetoric is too moving, for it makes
Your auditory weep.
Luke. Peace, chattering magpie!
I'll treat of you anon:—but when the height
And dignity of London's blessings grew
Contemptible, and the name lady-mayoress
Became a by-word, and you scorned the means
By which you were raised, my brother's fond indulgence
Giving the reins to it; and no object pleased you
But the glittering pomp and bravery of the court;
What a strange, nay monstrous, metamorphosis followed!
No English workman then could please your fancy,
The French and Tuscan dress your whole discourse;
This bawd to prodigality, entertained
To buzz into your ears what shape this countess
Appeared in the last masque, and how it drew
The young lord's eyes upon her; and this usher
Succeeded in the eldest 'prentice' place,
To walk before you_____
L. Frug. Pray you, end.
Hold. Proceed, sir;
I could fast almost a 'prenticeship to hear you,
You touch them so to the quick.
Luke. Then, as I said,
The reverend hood cast off, your borrowed hair,
Powdered and curled, was by your dresser's art
Formed like a coronet, hanged with diamonds,
And the richest orient pearl; your carcanets
That did adorn your neck, of equal value:
Your Hungerland bands, and Spanish quellio ruffs;
Great lords and ladies feasted to survey
Embroidered petticoats; and sickness feigned,
That your night-rails of forty pounds a piece
Might be seen with envy of the visitants;
Rich pantofles in ostentation shewn,
And roses worth a family: you were served in plate,
Stirred not a foot without your coach, and going
To church, not for devotion, but to shew
Your pomp, you were tickled when the beggars cried,
Heaven save your honour! this idolatry
Paid to a painted room.
Hold. Nay, you have reason
To blubber, all of you.
Luke. And when you lay
In childbed, at the christening of this minx,
I well remember it, as you had been
An absolute princess, since they have no more,
Three several chambers hung, the first with arras,
And that for waiters; the second crimson satin,
For the meaner sort of guests; the third of scarlet
Of the rich Tyrian die; a canopy
To cover the brat's cradle; you in state,
Like Pompey's Julia.
L. Frug. No more, I pray you.
Luke. Of this, be sure, you shall not. I'll cut off
Whatever is exorbitant in you,
Or in your daughters, and reduce you to
Your natural forms and habits; not in revenge
Of your base usage of me, but to fright
Others by your example: 'tis decreed
You shall serve one another, for I will
Allow no waiter to you. Out of doors
With these useless drones!
Hold. Will you pack?
Mill. Not till I have
My trunks along with me.
Luke. Not a rag; you came
Hither without a box.
Star. You'll shew to me,
I hope, sir, more compassion.
Hold. Troth I'll be
Thus far a suitor for him: he hath printed
An almanack, for this year, at his own charge;
Let him have the impression with him, to set up with.
Luke. For once I'll be entreated; let it be
Thrown to him out of the window.
Star. O cursed stars
That reigned at my nativity! how have you cheated
Your poor observer!
Anne. Must we part in tears?
Mary. Farewell, good Millicent!
L. Frug. I am sick, and meet with
A rough physician. O my pride and scorn!
How justly am I punished!
Mary. Now we suffer
For our stubbornness and disobedience
To our good father.
Anne. And the base conditions
We imposed upon our suitors.
Luke. Get you in,
And caterwaul in a corner.
L. Frug. There's no contending.
[Lady FRUGAL, ANNE, and MARY, go off at one door,
STARGAZE
and MILLICENT at the other.
Luke. How
Lik'st thou my carriage, Holdfast?
Hold. Well in some parts;
But it relishes, I know not how, a little
Of too much tyranny.
Luke. Thou art a fool:
He's cruel to himself, that dares not be
Severe to those that used him cruelly. [Exeunt.

ACT THE FIFTH.

SCENE I.—A Room in Sir JOHN FRUGAL'S House.

Enter LUKE, Sir JOHN FRUGAL, Sir MAURICE LACY, and PLENTY.

LUKE. You care not then, as it seems, to be converted
To our religion?
Sir John. We know no such word,
Nor power but the devil, and him we serve for fear,
Not love.
Luke. I am glad that charge is saved.
Sir John. We put
That trick upon your brother, to have means
To come to the city. Now, to you, we'll discover
The close design that brought us, with assurance,
If you lend your aids to furnish us with that
Which in the colony was not to be purchased,
No merchant ever made such a return
For his most precious venture, as you shall
Receive from us; far, far above your hopes
Or fancy to imagine.
Luke. It must be
Some strange commodity, and of a dear value,
(Such an opinion is planted in me
You will deal fairly,) that I would not hazard:
Give me the name of it.
Sir Maur. I fear you will make
Some scruple in your conscience, to grant it.
Luke. Conscience! no, no; so it may be done with safety,
And without danger of the law.
Plenty. For that,
You shall sleep securely: nor shall it diminish,
But add unto your heap such an increase,
As what you now possess shall appear an atom
To the mountain it brings with it.
Luke. Do not rack me
With expectation.
Sir John. Thus then in a word:
The devil—why start you at his name? if you
Desire to wallow in wealth and worldly honours
You must make haste to be familiar with him.—
This devil, whose priest I am, and by him made
A deep magician, (for I can do wonders,)
Appeared to me in Virginia, and commanded,
With many stripes, for that's his cruel custom,
I should provide, on pain of his fierce wrath,
Against the next great sacrifice, at which
We, grovelling on our faces, fall before him,
Two Christian virgins that with their pure blood
Might dye his horrid altars; and a third,
In his hate to such embraces as are lawful,
Married, and with your ceremonious rites,
As an oblation unto Hecate,
And wanton Lust, her favourite.
Luke. A devilish custom!
And yet why should it startle me?—There are
Enough of the sex fit for this use; but virgins,
And such a matron as you speak of, hardly
To be wrought to it.
Plenty. A mine of gold, for a fee,
Waits him that undertakes it and performs it.
Sir Maur. Know you no distressed widow, or poor maids,
Whose want of dower, though well born, makes them weary
Of their own country?
Sir John. Such as had rather be
Miserable in another world, than where
They have surfeited in felicity?
Luke. Give me leave_____ [Walks aside.
I would not lose this purchase. A grave matron!
And two pure virgins! Umph! I think my sister,
Though proud, was ever honest; and my nieces,
Untainted yet. Why should not they be shipped
For this employment? they are burthensome to me,
And eat too much; and if they stay in London
They will find friends that, to my loss, will force me
To composition: 'twere a masterpiece,
If this could be effected. They were ever
Ambitious of title: should I urge,
Matching with these they shall live Indian queens,
It may do much: but what shall I feel here,
Knowing to what they are designed? they absent,
The thought of them will leave me. It shall be so._____
[Returns.
I'll furnish you, and, to endear the service,
In mine own family, and my blood too.
Sir John. Make this good, and your house shall not contain
The gold we'll send you.
Luke. You have seen my sister
And my two nieces?
Sir John. Yes, sir.
Luke. These persuaded
How happily they shall live, and in what pomp,
When they are in your kingdoms, for you must
Work them a belief that you are kings_____
Plenty. We are so.
Luke. I'll put it in practice instantly. Study you
For moving language. Sister! nieces!

Enter Lady FRUGAL, ANNE, and MARY.

How!
Still mourning? dry your eyes, and clear these clouds
That do obscure your beauties. Did you believe
My personated reprehension, though
It shewed like a rough anger, could be serious?
Forget the fright I put you in: my end,
In humbling you, was to set off the height
Of honour, principal honour, which my studies,
When you least expect it, shall confer upon you!
Still you seem doubtful: be not wanting to
Yourselves, nor let the strangeness of the means,
With the shadow of some danger, render you
Incredulous.
L. Frug. Our usage hath been such,
As we can faintly hope that your intents
And language are the same.
Luke. I'll change those hopes
To certainties.
Sir John. With what art he winds about them!
[Aside.
Luke. What will you say, or what thanks shall I look for,
If now I raise you to such eminence as
The wife and daughters of a citizen
Never arrived at! many, for their wealth, I grant,
Have written ladies of honour, and some few
Have higher titles, and that's the furthest rise
You can in England hope for. What think you,
If I should mark you out a way to live
Queens in another climate?
Anne. We desire
A competence.
Mary. And prefer our country's smoke
Before outlandish fire.
L. Frug. But should we listen
To such impossibilities, 'tis not in
The power of man to make it good.
Luke. I'll do it:
Nor is this seat of majesty far removed;
It is but to Virginia.
L. Frug. How! Virginia!
High Heaven forbid! Remember, sir, I beseech you,
What creatures are shipped thither.
Anne. Condemned wretches,
Forfeited to the law.
Mary. Strumpets and bawds,
For the abomination of their life
Spewed out of their own country.
Luke. Your false fears
Abuse my noble purposes. Such indeed
Are sent as slaves to labour there; but you,
To absolute sovereignty. Observe these men,
With reverence observe them: they are kings of
Such spacious territories and dominions,
As our Great Britain measured will appear
A garden to it.
Sir Maur. You shall be adored there
As goddesses.
Sir John. Your litters made of gold,
Supported by your vassals, proud to bear
The burthen on their shoulders.
Plenty. Pomp and ease,
With delicates that Europe never knew,
Like pages shall wait on you.
Luke. If you have minds
To entertain the greatness offered to you,
With outstretched arms and willing hands embrace it.
But this refused, imagine what can make you
Most miserable here; and rest assured,
In storms it falls upon you: take them in,
And use your best persuasion. If that fail,
I'll send them aboard in a dry fat.
[Exeunt all but Sir JOHN FRUGAL and LUKE.
Sir John. Be not moved, sir;
We'll work them to your will. Yet, ere we part,
Your worldly cares deferred, a little mirth
Would not misbecome us.
Luke. You say well: and now
It comes into my memory, 'tis my birthday,
Which with solemnity I would observe,
But that it would ask cost.
Sir John. That shall not grieve you.
By my art I will prepare you such a feast
As Persia in her height of pomp and riot
Did never equal; and such ravishing music
As the Italian princes seldom heard
At their greatest entertainments. Name your guests.
Luke. I must have none.
Sir John. Not the city senate?
Luke. No;
Nor yet poor neighbours: the first would argue me
Of foolish ostentation, and the latter
Of too much hospitality; a virtue
Grown obsolete and useless. I will sit
Alone, and surfeit in my store, while others
With envy pine at it; my genius pampered
With the thought of what I am, and what they suffer
I have marked out to misery.
Sir John. You shall:
And something I will add you yet conceive not,
Nor will I be slow-paced.
Luke. I have one business,
And, that dispatched, I am free.
Sir John. About it, sir,
Leave the rest to me.
Luke. Till now I ne'er loved magic. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.—Another Room in the same.

Enter Lord LACY, GOLDWIRE senior, and TRADEWELL senior.

L. Lacy. Believe me, gentlemen, I never was
So cozened in a fellow. He disguised
Hypocrisy in such a cunning shape
Of real goodness, that I would have sworn
This devil a saint. M. Goldwire, and M. Tradewell,
What do you mean to do? Put on.
Gold. With your lordship's favour.
L. Lacy. I'll have it so.
Trade. Your will, my lord, excuses
The rudeness of our manners.
L. Lacy. You have received
Penitent letters from your sons, I doubt not.
Trade. They are our only sons.
Gold. And as we are fathers,
Remembering the errors of our youth,
We would pardon slips in them.
Trade. And pay for them
In a moderate way.
Gold. In which we hope your lordship
Will be our mediator.
L. Lacy. All my power

Enter LUKE, richly dressed.

You freely shall command; 'tis he! You are well met,
And to my wish,—and wondrous brave! your habit
Speaks you a merchant royal.
Luke. What I wear
I take not upon trust.
L. Lacy. Your betters may,
And blush not for't.
Luke. If you have nought else with me
But to argue that, I will make bold to leave you.
L. Lacy. You are very peremptory; pray you stay:—
I once held you
An upright honest man.
Luke. I am honester now
By a hundred thousand pound, I thank my stars for't,
Upon the Exchange; and if your late opinion
Be altered, who can help it? Good my lord,
To the point; I have other business than to talk
Of honesty and opinions.
L. Lacy. Yet you may
Do well, if you please, to shew the one, and merit
The other from good men, in a case that now
Is offered to you.
Luke. What is it? I am troubled.
L. Lacy. Here are two gentlemen, the fathers of
Your brother's 'prentices.
Luke. Mine, my lord, I take it.
L. Lacy. Goldwire, and Tradewell.
Luke. They are welcome, if
They come prepared to satisfy the damage
I have sustained by their sons.
Gold. We are, so you please
To use a conscience.
Trade. Which we hope you will do,
For your own worship's sake.
Luke. Conscience, my friends,
And wealth, are not always neighbours. Should I part
With what the law gives me, I should suffer mainly
In my reputation; for it would convince me
Of indiscretion: nor will you, I hope, move me
To do myself such prejudice.
L. Lacy. No moderation?
Luke. They cannot look for't, and preserve in me
A thriving citizen's credit. Your bonds lie
For your sons' truth, and they shall answer all
They have run out: the masters never prospered
Since gentlemen's sons grew 'prentices: when we look
To have our business done at home, they are
Abroad in the tennis-court, or in Partridge-alley,
In Lambeth Marsh, or a cheating ordinary,
Where I found your sons. I have your bonds, look to't.
A thousand pounds apiece, and that will hardly
Repair my losses.
L. Lacy. Thou dar'st not shew thyself
Such a devil!
Luke. Good words.
L. Lacy. Such a cut-throat! I have heard of
The usage of your brother's wife and daughters;
You shall find you are not lawless, and that your monies
Cannot justify your villainies.
Luke. I endure this.
And, good my lord, now you talk in time of monies,
Pay in what you owe me. And give me leave to wonder
Your wisdom should have leisure to consider
The business of these gentlemen, or my carriage
To my sister or my nieces, being yourself
So much in my danger
L. Lacy. In thy danger?
Luke. Mine.
I find in my counting-house a manor pawned,
Pawned, my good lord: Lacy manor, and that manor
From which you have the title of a lord,
An it please your good lordship! You are a nobleman;
Pray you pay in my monies: the interest
Will eat faster in't, than aquafortis in iron.
Now though you bear me hard, I love your lordship.
I grant your person to be privileged
From all arrests; yet there lives a foolish creature
Called an under-sheriff, who, being well paid, will serve
An extent on lords' or lowns' land. Pay it in:
I would be loth your name should sink, or that
Your hopeful son, when he returns from travel,
Should find you my lord-without-land. You are angry
For my good counsel: look you to your bonds; had I known
Of your coming, believe't, I would have had serjeants ready.
Lord, how you fret! but that a tavern's near,
You should taste a cup of muscadine in my house,
To wash down sorrow; but there it will do better:
I know you'll drink a health to me. [Exit.
L. Lacy. To thy damnation.
Was there ever such a villain! Heaven forgive me
For speaking so unchristianly, though he deserves it.
Gold. We are undone.
Trade. Our families quite ruined.
L. Lacy. Take courage, gentlemen; comfort may appear,
And punishment overtake him, when he least expects it.
[Exeunt.

SCENE III.—Another Room in the same.

Enter Sir JOHN FRUGAL and HOLDFAST.

Sir John. Be silent, on your life.
Hold. I am o'erjoyed.
Sir John. Are the pictures placed as I directed?
Hold. Yes, sir.
Sir John. And the musicians ready?
Hold. All is done
As you commanded.
Sir John. [goes to the door] Make haste; and be careful;
You know your cue, and postures?
Plenty. [within.] We are perfect.
Sir John. 'Tis well. The rest are come, too?
Hold. And disposed of
To your own wish.

Enter Servants with a rich banquet.

Sir John. Set forth the table: so!
A perfect banquet. At the upper end,
His chair in state: he shall feast like a prince.
Hold. And rise like a Dutch hangman.

Enter LUKE.

Sir John. Not a word more_____
How like you the preparation? Fill your room,
And taste the cates; then in your thought consider
A rich man, that lives wisely to himself,
In his full height of glory.
Luke. I can brook
No rival in this happiness. How sweetly
These dainties, when unpaid for, please my palate!
Some wine. Jove's nectar! Brightness to the star
That governed at my birth! shoot down thy influence,
And with a perpetuity of being
Continue this felicity, not gained
By vows to saints above, and much less purchased
By thriving industry; nor fallen upon me
As a reward to piety, and religion,
Or service to my country: I owe all
This to dissimulation, and the shape
I wore of goodness. Let my brother number
His beads devoutly, and believe his alms
To beggars, his compassion to his debtors,
Will wing his better part, disrobed of flesh,
To soar above the firmament. I am well;
And so I surfeit here in all abundance,
Though styled a cormorant, a cut-throat, Jew,
And prosecuted with the fatal curses
Of widows, undone orphans, and what else
Such as malign my state can load me with,
I will not envy it. You promised music.
Sir John. And you shall hear the strength and power of it,
The spirit of Orpheus raised to make it good,
And, in those ravishing strains, with which he moved
Charon and Cerberus to give him way
To fetch from hell his lost Eurydice.
—Appear! swifter than thought! [Loudly.

Music. Enter at one door, CERBERUS, at the other, CHARON, ORPHEUS,
and Chorus.

Luke. 'Tis wondrous strange!
[They represent the story of Orpheus, with dance and
gesture.
Sir John. Does not the object and the accent take you?
Luke. A pretty fable. [Exeunt ORPHEUS and the rest.] But that
music should
Alter in fiends their nature, is to me
Impossible; since, in myself, I find,
What I have once decreed shall know no change.
Sir John. You are constant to your purposes; yet I think
That I could stagger you.
Luke. How?
Sir John. Should I present
Your servants, debtors, and the rest that suffer
By your fit severity, I presume the sight
Would move you to compassion.
Luke. Not a mote.
The music that your Orpheus made was harsh
To the delight I should receive in hearing
Their cries and groans: if it be in your power,
I would now see them.
Sir John. Spirits, in their shapes,
Shall shew them as they are: but if it should move you?—
Luke. If it do, may I ne'er find pity!
Sir John. Be your own judge._____
Appear! as I commanded.

Sad Music. Enter GOLDWIRE junior, and TRADEWELL junior, as from
prison; FORTUNE, HOIST, and PENURY; SERJEANTS with TRADEWELL senior
and GOLDWIRE senior;—these followed by SHAVE'EM, in a blue
gown, SECRET, and DING'EM; they all kneel to LUKE, lifting up
their
hands. STARGAZE is seen with a pack of almanacks, and MILLICENT.

Luke. Ha, ha, ha!
This move me to compassion, or raise
One sign of seeming pity in my face!
You are deceived: it rather renders me
More flinty and obdurate. A south wind
Shall sooner soften marble, and the rain
That slides down gently from his flaggy wings
O'erflow the Alps, than knees or tears or groans
Shall wrest compunction from me. 'Tis my glory
That they are wretched, and by me made so;
It sets my happiness off: I could not triumph
If these were not my captives.—Ha! my tarriers,
As it appears, have seized on these old foxes,
As I gave order; new addition to
My scene of mirth: ha, ha!—They now grow tedious,
Let them be removed. [Exeunt GOLDWIRE and the rest.
Some other object, if
Your art can shew it.
Sir John. You shall perceive 'tis boundless.
Yet one thing real, if you please?
Luke. What is it?
Sir John. Your nieces, ere they put to sea, crave humbly,
Though absent in their bodies, they may take leave
Of their late suitors' statues.

Enter Lady FRUGAL, ANNE, and MARY.

Luke. There they hang:
In things indifferent I am tractable.
Sir John. There pay your vows, you have liberty.
Anne. O sweet figure [Kneels.
Of my abused Lacy! when removed
Into another world, I'll daily pay
A sacrifice of sighs to thy remembrance;
And with a shower of tears strive to wash off
The stain of that contempt my foolish pride
And insolence threw upon thee.
Mary. I had been
Too happy if I had enjoyed the substance;
But far unworthy of it, now I fall
Thus prostrate to thy statue. [Kneels.
L. Frug. My kind husband, [Kneels.
(Blessed in my misery,) from the monastery
To which my disobedience confined thee,
With thy soul's eye, which distance cannot hinder,
Look on my penitence. O, that I could
Call back time past! thy holy vow dispensed,
With what humility would I observe
My long-neglected duty!
Sir John. Does not this move you?
Luke. Yes, as they do the statues, and her sorrow
My absent brother. If, by your magic art,
You can give life to these, or bring him hither
To witness her repentance, I may have,
Perchance, some feeling of it.
Sir John. For your sport,
You shall see a masterpiece. Here's nothing but
A superficies; colours, and no substance.
Sit still, and to your wonder and amazement,
I'll give these organs. This the sacrifice,
To make the great work perfect.
[Burns incense, and makes mystical gesticulations. Sir MAURICE
LACY
and PLENTY give signs of animation.
Luke. Prodigious!
Sir John. Nay, they have life, and motion. Descend!
[Sir MAURICE LACY and PLENTY descend and come forward.
And for your absent brother,—this washed off,
Against your will you shall know him. [Discovers himself.

3Enter Lord LACY, with GOLDWIRE senior and junior, TRADEWELL senior
and junior, the Debtors, &c. &c. as before.

Luke. I am lost.
Guilt strikes me dumb.
Sir John. You have seen, my lord, the pageant?
L. Lacy. I have, and am ravished with it.
Sir John. What think you now
Of this clear soul? this honest, pious man?
Have I stripped him bare, or will your lordship have
A further trial of him? 'Tis not in
A wolf to change his nature.
L. Lacy. I long since
Confessed my error.
Sir John. Look up; I forgive you,
And seal your pardons thus.
[Raises and embraces Lady FRUGAL, ANNE, and MARY.
L. Frug. I am too full
Of joy, to speak it.
Anne. I am another creature;
Not what I was.
Mary. I vow to shew myself,
When I am married, an humble wife,
Not a commanding mistress.
Plenty. On those terms,
I gladly thus embrace you. [To MARY.
Sir Maur. Welcome to
My bosom: as the one half of myself,
I'll love and cherish you. [To ANNE.
Gold. jun. Mercy!
Trade. jun. and the rest. Good sir, mercy!
Sir John. This day is sacred to it. All shall find me,
As far as lawful pity can give way to't,
Indulgent to your wishes, though with loss
Unto myself.—My kind and honest brother,
Looking into yourself, have you seen the Gorgon?
What a golden dream you have had, in the possession
Of my estate!—but here's a revocation
That wakes you out of it. Monster in nature!
Revengeful avaricious atheist,
Transcending all example!—but I shall be
A sharer in thy crimes, should I repeat them—
What wilt thou do? turn hypocrite again,
With hope dissimulation can aid thee?
Or that one eye will shed a tear in sign
Of sorrow for thee? I have warrant to
Make bold with mine own, pray you uncase: this key, too,
I must make bold with. Hide thyself in some desert,
Where good men ne'er may find thee; or in justice
Pack to Virginia, and repent; not for
Those horrid ends to which thou didst design these.
Luke. I care not where I go: what's done, with words
Cannot be undone. [Exit.
L. Frug. Yet, sir, shew some mercy;
Because his cruelty to me and mine
Did good upon us.
Sir John. Of that at better leisure,
As his penitency shall work me. Make you good
Your promised reformation, and instruct
Our city dames, whom wealth makes proud, to move
In their own spheres; and willingly to confess,
In their habits, manners, and their highest port,
A distance 'twixt the city and the court. [Exeunt

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