Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, THE SALE OF THE TOOLS, by THOMAS MOORE


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Classic and Contemporary Poetry

THE SALE OF THE TOOLS, by                     Poet's Biography
First Line: Here's a choice set of tools for you, g'emmen and ladies
Last Line: Is placed by ill luck at the top of the budget!
Alternate Author Name(s): Little, Thomas
Subject(s): Tools


HERE's a choice set of Tools for you, g'emmen and ladies,
They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is;
(Except it be Cabinet-making -- I doubt
In that delicate service they're rather worn out;
Though their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his own will,

Would have bungled away with them joyously still.)
You can see they've been pretty well hack'd -- and alack!
What tool is there job after job will not hack?
Their edge is but dullish, it must be confess'd,
And their temper, like E ---- nb'r ---- h's none of the best,
But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, upon trying,
Were 't but for their brass they are well worth the buying;
They're famous for making blinds, sliders, and screens,
And they're, some of them, excellent turning machines!

The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chancellor)
Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller --
Though made of pig iron, yet worthy of note 'tis,
'T is ready to melt at a half minute's notice.
Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest --
'T will make a good thumbscrew to torture a Papist;
Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall
Of some church that old women are fearful will fall;
Or better, perhaps (for I'm guessing at random),
A heavy drag-chain for some lawyer's old Tandem
Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, sir --
Once, twice, going, going, thrice, gone! -- it is yours, sir.
To pay ready money you sha'n't be distress'd,
As a bill at long date suits the Chancellor best.

Come, where's the next Tool? -- Oh! 'tis here in a trice --
This implement, gemmen, at first was a Vice
(A tenacious and close sort of Tool, that will let
Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get),
But it since has received a new coating of Tin,
Bright enough for a prince to behold himself in!
Come, what shall we say for it? briskly! bid on,
We'll the sooner get rid of it -- going -- quite gone!
God be with it, such tools, if not quickly knock'd down,
Might at last cost their owner -- how much? why a Crown!

The next Tool I'll set up has hardly had handsel or
Trial as yet, and is also a Chancellor --
Such dull things as these should be sold by the gross;
Yet, dull as it is, 'twill be found to shave close,
And like other close shavers, some courage to gather,
This blade first began by a flourish on leather!
You shall have it for nothing -- then marvel with me
At the terrible tinkering work there must be,
Where a tool such as this is (I'll leave you to judge it)
Is placed by ill luck at the top of the Budget!





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