Classic and Contemporary Poetry
THE BANK CLERK AND THE STABLE KEEPERS, by HORACE SMITH Poet's Biography First Line: Showing how peter was undone Last Line: He had refused to lend a pound! Alternate Author Name(s): Smith, Horatio Subject(s): Banks And Banking; Office Employees; Stables; Clerks | ||||||||
SHOWING how Peter was undone By taking care of Number One. -- OF PETER PRIM (so Johnson would have written,) Let me indulge in the remembrance; -- Peter! Thy formal phiz has oft my fancy smitten, For sure the Bank had never a completer Quiz among its thousand clerks, Than he who elicits our remarks. -- Prim was a formalist, a prig, A solemn fop, an office Martinet, One of those small precisians who look big If half an hour before their time they get To an appointment, and abuse those elves Who are not over-punctual like themselves. If you should mark his powdered head betimes, And polished shoes in Lothbury, You knew the hour -- for the three quarters' chimes Invariably struck as he went by; From morning fines he always saved his gammon, Not from his hate of sloth, but love of Mammon. For Peter had a special eye To Number One -- his charity At home beginning, ne'er extends, But where it started had its end too; And as to lending cash to friends, Luckily he had none to lend to. No purchases so cheap as his, While no one's bargains went so far, And though in dress a deadly quiz, No Quaker more particular. This live automaton, who seemed To move by clockwork, ever keen To live upon the saving plan, Had soon the honour to be deemed That selfish, heartless, cold machine, Called in the City -- a warm man. A Bank Director once, who dwelt at Chigwell, PRIM to a turtle-feast invited, And as the reader knows the prig well, I need not say he went, delighted; For great men, when they let you slice their meat, May give a slice of loan -- a richer treat. No stage leaves Chigwell after eight, Which was too early to come back, So, after much debate, Peter resolved to hire a hack; The more inclined to this, because he knew In London Wall, at Number Two, An economic stable-keeper, From whom he hoped to get one cheaper. Behold him mounted on his jade, A perfect Johnny Gilpin figure; But the good bargain he had made Compensating for sneer and snigger, He trotted on -- arrived -- sat down, Devoured enough for six or seven, His horse remounted, and reached town As he had fixed, exactly at eleven. But whether habit led him, or the Fates To give a preference to Number One, (As he had always done,) Or that the darkness jumbled the two gates, Certain it is he gave that bell a drag, Instead of Number Two, Rode in -- dismounted -- left his nag, And homeward hurried without more ado. Some days elapsed, and no one came To bring the bill, or payment claim; He 'gan to hope 'twas overlooked, Forgotten quite, or never booked, An error which the honesty of PRIM Would ne'er have rectified, if left to him. After six weeks, however, comes a pair Of groom-like looking men, Each with a bill, which Peter they submit to; One for the six weeks' hire of a bay mare, And one for six weeks' keep of ditto: Together -- twenty-two pounds ten! The tale got wind. What! Peter make a blunder? There was no end of joke, and quiz, and wonder, Which, with the loss of cash, so mortified PRIM, that he suffered an attack Of bile, and bargained with a quack, Who daily swore to cure him -- till he died; When, as no will was found, His scraped, and saved, and hoarded store, Went to a man to whom, some months before, He had refused to lend a pound! | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...OFFICE POLITICS by WANDA COLEMAN WHITE, WHITE COLLARS by DENIS JOHNSON A DEATH AT THE OFFICE by TED KOOSER OFFICE PARTY: DISTAFF VIEW by KAREN SWENSON THIRTY BOB A WEEK by JOHN DAVIDSON THE CLERKS by EDWIN ARLINGTON ROBINSON THE CLERK by SCUDDER MIDDLETON ADDRESS TO THE MUMMY AT BELZONI'S EXHIBITION by HORACE SMITH |
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