I often wonder why on earth You rate yourself so highly; A shameless parasite, from birth You've lived the life of Reilly. No claims to fame distinguish you; Your talents are not many; You're constantly unfaithful to Your better self -- if any. Yet you believe, with faith profound, The world revolves about you; May I point out, it staggered 'round For centuries without you? In beauty, you're convinced you lead, While others only follow. You think you look like Wallace Reid, Or, at the least, Apollo. The fatal charms with which you're blest, You fancy, spell perfection; The notion, may I not suggest, Is open to correction? An alien streak your tail betrays; Your ears aren't what they would be; Your mother was -- forgive the phrase -- No better than she should be. One can but feel your gaiety Is somewhat over-hearty; You take it on yourself to be The life of every party. In bearing, while no doubt sincere, You're frankly too informal. And mentally, I sometimes fear, You're slightly under normal. The least attention turns your brain, Repressions slip their tether; Pray spare your friends the nervous strain And pull yourself together! You take no thought for others' good In all your daily dealings, I ask you, as a mother would, Where are your finer feelings? I think I've seldom run across A life so far from lawful; Your manners are a total loss, Your morals, something awful. Perhaps you'll ask, as many do, What I endure your thrall for? 'Twas ever thus -- it's such as you That women always fall for. | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE CRICKET by JAMES HENRY LEIGH HUNT THE ONE WHITE ROSE by THOMAS BAILEY ALDRICH STAGE SETTING KANSAS by BERNICE GIBBS ANDERSON DRAB BONNETS by BERNARD BARTON LANDSCAPE by CHARLES BAUDELAIRE SICK BED by EDMUND CHARLES BLUNDEN WASHINGTON by EVALYN TERRY BROOKS |