My Lord Tomnoddy's the son of an Earl, His hair is straight, but his whiskers curl; His Lordship's forehead is far from wide, But there's plenty of room for the brains inside. He writes his name with indifferent ease, He's rather uncertain about the 'd's', -- But what does it matter, if three or one, To the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son? My Lord Tomnoddy to college went, Much time he lost, much money he spent; Rules, and windows, and heads, he broke -- Authorities winked - young men will be a joke! He never peeped inside of a book -- In two years' time a degree he took; And the newspapers vaunted the honours won By the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son. My Lord Tomnoddy came out in the world, Waists were tightened, and ringlets curled. Virgins languished, and matrons smiled -- 'Tis true, his Lordship is rather wild; In very queer places he spends his life; There's talk of some children, by nobody's wife -- But we mustn't look close into what is done By the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son. My Lord Tomnoddy must settle down -- There's a vacant seat in the family town! ('Tis time he should sow his eccentric oats) -- He hasn't the wit to apply for votes: He cannot e'en learn his election speech, Three phrases he speaks - a mistake in each! And then breaks down - but the borough is won For the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son. My Lord Tomnoddy prefers the Guards, (The House is a bore) so! - it's on the cards! My Lord's a Lieutenant at twenty-three. A Captain at twenty-six is he -- He never drew a sword, except on drill; The tricks of parade he has learnt but ill -- A full-blown Colonel at thirty-one Is the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son. My Lord Tomnoddy is thirty-four; The Earl can last but a few years more. My Lord in the Peers will take his place: Her Majesty's councils his words will grace. Office he'll hold, and patronage sway; Fortunes and lives he will vote away -- And what are his qualifications? - ONE! He's the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son. | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...MONODY ON THE DEATH OF THE RIGHT HON. R.B. SHERIDAN by GEORGE GORDON BYRON RICH DAYS by WILLIAM HENRY DAVIES SPRING by GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS THE HOUSE OF LIFE: 10. THE PORTRAIT by DANTE GABRIEL ROSSETTI SABBATH HYMN by SOLOMON BEN MOSES HA-LEVI ALKABEZ THE CATERPILLAR by ANNA LETITIA BARBAULD THE PHANTOM REVIEW by SQUIRE OMAR BARKER |