"PA vows that all gluttony's wicked; He's always for docking @3my@1 meat, And ne'er at dessert will he give me Enough of what's racy and sweet: Yet he'll gorge and gorge on at @3his@1 dinners, As restless in mouth as in hand; -- Now, say, -- if all gluttons are sinners, Where -- where does @3my@1 'governor' stand! "Oh! pa's most impressive on lying; ('Meanest crime in the annals of sin;') Yet why does @3he@1 tell folk (through Thomas) That he's @3out@1 when he knows that he's @3in?@1 And ma's done the same, when she meant not From house nor from chamber to stir: I suppose what is punished in @3me@1, sir, Is all right in @3him@1 or in @3her!@1 "Pa says, that good men must be generous, Self-denying, benevolent, kind;' Then why does he give those poor beggars Just nothing? The lame and the blind, Small orphan, and wan, pining widow, The gold-covered head and the gray, Unsoothed and unhelped in their sorrows, From @3him@1 turn -- how sadly -- away! "Pa counsels fair words of our neighbors; -- Oh! he dotes on the pure 'golden rule;' -- Yet he calls Aunt Selina 'back-biter,' And he dubs Uncle Reuben 'a fool." And when @3I@1 said, 'Young Reub's like his father,' On what text in reply did pa lean? Why, 'Whoso thou fool shall dare utter,' Must taste -- well, @3you@1 know what I mean! "Pa says, 'we must reverence our elders;' -- How he harps and he harps upon that; -- Yet grandfather, who's ninety and upward, He treats like an imbecile 'flat.' And once when poor grandpa, at breakfast, Mistook the slop-bowl for his cup, Pa muttered, 'I wish the old dotard Were locked -- @3somewhere@1 -- heedfully up!' "I don't know what the 'governor's' made of; But truly, if @3he were not he@1, (I mean if he were not @3my@1 'pater' -- Alack! that @3such@1 fathers should be,) His name would begin as I spelt it, With a big blatant H, if you please, And conclude with the tiniest, meanest, But most self-sufficient of e's!" | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...DEDICATION OF THE FIRST SONNETS TO A FRIEND ... by GEORGE SANTAYANA A SHROPSHIRE LAD: 52 by ALFRED EDWARD HOUSMAN BALL'S BLUFF; A REVERIE by HERMAN MELVILLE A PARTING SONG by WILLIAM AITKEN |