WHEN legislators keep the law, When banks dispense with bolts and locks, When berries -- whortle, rasp, and straw -- Grow bigger downwards through the box, -- When he that selleth house or land Shows leak in roof or flaw in right, -- When haberdashers choose the stand Whose window hath the broadest light, -- When preachers tell us all they think, And party leaders all they mean, -- When what we pay for, that we drink, From real grape and coffee-bean, -- When lawyers take what they would give, And doctors give what they would take, -- When city fathers eat to live, Save when they fast for conscience' sake, -- When one that hath a horse on sale Shall bring his merit to the proof, Without a lie for every nail That holds the iron on the hoof, -- When in the usual place for rips Our gloves are stitched with special care, And guarded well the whalebone tips Where first umbrellas need repair, -- When Cuba's weeds have quite forgot The power of suction to resist, And claret-bottles harbor not Such dimples as would hold your fist, -- When publishers no longer steal, And pay for what they stole before, -- When the first locomotive's wheel Rolls through the Hoosac Tunnel's bore; -- Till then let Cumming blaze away, And Miller's saints blow up the globe; But when you see that blessed day, Then order your ascension robe! | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...THE SOUL TO THE BODY by RICHARD EUGENE BURTON OBSERVATIONS IN THE ART OF ENGLISH POESY: 23. ELEGIAC VERSE: THE SIXTH EPIGRAM by THOMAS CAMPION THE SURE WITNESS by ALICE CARY ADVENTURERS by MADISON JULIUS CAWEIN |