HERE's a choice set of Tools for you, g'emmen and ladies, They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is; (Except it be @3Cabinet-making@1 -- I doubt In that delicate service they're rather worn out; Though their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his own will, Would have bungled away with them joyously still.) You can see they've been pretty well @3hack'd@1 -- and alack! What tool is there job after job will not hack? Their edge is but dullish, it must be confess'd, And their temper, like E ---- nb'r ---- h's none of the best, But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, upon trying, Were 't but for their @3brass@1 they are well worth the buying; They're famous for making @3blinds, sliders@1, and @3screens@1, And they're, some of them, excellent @3turning@1 machines! The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a @3Chancellor@1) Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller -- Though made of pig iron, yet worthy of note 'tis, 'T is ready to @3melt@1 at a half minute's notice. Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest -- 'T will make a good thumbscrew to torture a Papist; Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall Of some church that old women are fearful will fall; Or better, perhaps (for I'm guessing at random), A heavy @3drag-chain@1 for some lawyer's old @3Tandem@1 Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, sir -- Once, twice, going, going, thrice, gone! -- it is yours, sir. To pay ready money you sha'n't be distress'd, As a @3bill@1 at @3long date@1 suits the Chancellor best. Come, where's the next Tool? -- Oh! 'tis here in a trice -- This implement, gemmen, at first was a @3Vice@1 (A tenacious and close sort of Tool, that will let Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get), But it since has received a new coating of @3Tin@1, Bright enough for a prince to behold himself in! Come, what shall we say for it? briskly! bid on, We'll the sooner get rid of it -- going -- quite gone! God be with it, such tools, if not quickly knock'd down, Might at last cost their owner -- how much? why a @3Crown!@1 The next Tool I'll set up has hardly had handsel or Trial as yet, and is @3also@1 a Chancellor -- Such dull things as these should be sold by the gross; Yet, dull as it is, 'twill be found to @3shave close@1, And like @3other@1 close shavers, some courage to gather, This @3blade@1 first began by a flourish on @3leather!@1 You shall have it for nothing -- then marvel with me At the terrible @3tinkering@1 work there must be, Where a tool such as this is (I'll leave you to judge it) Is placed by ill luck at the top of @3the Budget!@1 | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...IPHIGENEIA AND AGAMEMNON, FR. THE HELLENICS by WALTER SAVAGE LANDOR THE KING'S DAUGHTER by ALGERNON CHARLES SWINBURNE NOT TO BE MINISTERED TO by MALTBIE DAVENPORT BABCOCK THE INVITATION by ANNA LETITIA BARBAULD |