MY dear Lady Bab, you'll be shock'd, I'm afraid, When you hear the sad rumpus your Ponies have made; Since the time of horse-consuls (now long out of date), No nags ever made such a stir in the State! Lord Eld -- n first heard -- and as instantly pray'd he To God and his King -- that a Popish young lady (For though you've bright eyes and twelve thousand a year, It is still but too true you're a Papist, my dear) Had insidiously sent, by a tall Irish groom, Two priest-ridden Ponies, just landed from Rome, And so full, little rogues, of pontifical tricks, That the dome of St. Paul's was scarce safe from their kicks! Off at once to Papa, in a flurry, he flies -- For Papa always does what these statesmen advise, On condition that they'll be, in turn, so polite As, in no case whate'er, to advise him @3too right@1 -- "Pretty doings are here, sir," he angrily cries, While by dint of dark eyebrows he strives to look wise; "'Tis a scheme of the Romanists, so help me God! To ride over your most Royal Highness rough-shod -- Excuse, sir, my tears -- they're from loyalty's source -- Bad enough 'twas for Troy to be sack'd by a @3Horse@1, But for us to be ruin'd by @3Ponies@1 still worse!" Quick a Council is call'd -- the whole Cabinet sits -- The Archbishops declare, frighten'd out of their wits, That if vile Popish Ponies should eat at my manger, From that awful moment the Church is in danger! As, give them but stabling, and shortly no stalls Will suit their proud stomachs but those at St. Paul's, The Doctor and he, the devout Man of Leather, V -- ns -- tt -- t, now laying their Saint-heads together, Declare that these skittish young @3a@1-bominations Are clearly foretold in Chap. vi. Revelations -- Nay, they verily think they could point out the one Which the Doctor's friend Death was to canter upon! Lord H -- rr -- by, hoping that no one imputes To the Court any fancy to persecute brutes, Protests, on the word of himself and his cronies, That had these said creatures been Asses, not Ponies, The Court would have started no sort of objection, As Asses were, @3there@1, always sure of protection. "If the Pr -- nc -- ss @3will@1 keep them," says Lord C -- stl -- r -- gh, "To make them quite harmless the only true way Is (as certain Chief-Justices do with their wives) To flog them within half an inch of their lives -- If they've any bad Irish blood lurking about, This (he knew by experience) would soon draw it out." Or -- if this be thought cruel -- his Lordship proposes "The new @3Veto@1 snaffle to bind down their noses -- A pretty contrivance, made out of old chains, Which appears to indulge, while it doubly restrains; Which, however high-mettled, their gamesomeness checks," Adds his Lordship, humanely, "or else break their necks!" This proposal received pretty general applause From the Statesmen around -- and the neck-breaking clause Had a vigour about it, which soon reconciled Even Eld -- n himself to a measure so mild. So the snaffles, my dear, were agreed to, nem. con. And my Lord C -- stl -- r -- gh, having so often shone In the @3fettering@1 line, is to buckle them on. I shall drive to your door in these @3Vetos@1 some day, But, at present, adieu! -- I must hurry away To go see my Mamma, as I'm suffer'd to meet her For just half an hour by the Qu -- n's best repeater, | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...THE PLOUGHMAN by OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES THE GREEN LINNET by WILLIAM WORDSWORTH HUMAN PLEASURE OR PAIN by MATILDA BARBARA BETHAM-EDWARDS THE SECRET OF THE BEES by LOUISA SARAH BEVINGTON PSALM 68 by OLD TESTAMENT BIBLE HIS LAST STAGE by JOHN PHILIP BURKE |