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Classic and Contemporary Poetry


A SWELL'S SOLILOQUY ON THE WAR by ANONYMOUS

First Line: I DON'T APPWOVE THIS HAWID WAW
Last Line: WHY DON'T THE PARTIES COMPWAMISE?

I DON'T appwove this hawid waw;
Those dweadful bannahs hawt my eyes;
And guns and dwums are such a baw, --
Why don't the pawties compwamise?

Of cawce, the twoilet has its chawms;
But why must all the vulgah cwowd
Pawsist in spawting unifawms,
In cullahs so extwemely loud?

And then the ladies, pwecious deahs! --
I mawk the change on ev'wy bwow;
Bai Jove! I weally have my feahs
They wathah like the hawid wow!

To heah the chawming cweatures talk,
Like patwons of the bloody wing,
Of waw and all its dawty wawk, --
It doesn't seem a pwappah thing!

I called at Mrs. Gweene's last night,
To see her niece, Miss Mawy Hertz,
And found her making -- cwushing sight! --
The weddest kind of flannel shirts!

Of cawce, I wose, and sought the daw,
With fawyah flashing from my eyes!
I can't appwove this hawid waw; --
Why don't the pawties compwamise?



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