Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

"Celibacy at Twenty" by Sharon Olds is a poignant exploration of the physical and emotional states of longing, loneliness, and the transient nature of intimacy. The poem vividly captures the speaker's experience of abstaining from sexual and emotional connection after the end of relationships, delving into the visceral sensations and psychological turmoil that accompany such a period of celibacy.

The poem begins with a candid account of the aftermath of a breakup, whether initiated by the speaker or the other person. The passage of time—"days would go by, nights, weeks, soon it would be months"—emphasizes the duration of isolation. The speaker describes a heightened physical sensitivity, where even the air's pressure on her skin feels intense and overwhelming. Her breasts are depicted as "something broken open," a metaphor that suggests vulnerability and exposure. This raw openness is compounded by the acute awareness of her body's reactions, where even the slightest movement or turn can trigger an overwhelming sense of arousal, illustrating the physical toll of prolonged celibacy.

Olds uses the metaphor of being "filled to the brim" to describe the speaker's state of arousal and containment. The image of "the lip of the liquid rocking, taut, at the edge, at the top" conveys a sense of barely controlled desire, a tension that is both physical and emotional. The shower scene, where the speaker reaches a peak of sensation "in seconds," further underscores the intensity of her suppressed desires. However, this momentary release is quickly followed by an amplification of loneliness, a doubling, tripling, even multiplying of the sense of isolation. The metaphor of "palm fronds and camellia buds bent double under a campus sky of iron" evokes a heavy, oppressive atmosphere, mirroring the weight of the speaker's solitude.

The poem transitions to the anticipation and experience of new intimacy. The "next first kiss" is depicted as both shocking in its power and familiar in its sensation. The speaker describes the overwhelming happiness and physical responses—lips aching, hands and feet going numb—as she navigates the intense emotions of rekindled affection. This experience is likened to "streaming slowly across the arc of the sky," suggesting a transcendent, almost cosmic feeling. The imagery of the "face in the dashlight closer and closer" evokes a sense of inevitability and immersion, akin to approaching the earth until it fills one's entire vision. This metaphor captures the all-encompassing nature of new love and desire.

However, the joy of these first kisses inevitably leads to the pain of "the last kisses." The cycle of hope and disappointment leaves the speaker feeling "outside of life," as though she is held back from fully engaging with the world. This sense of being an outsider, of watching life pass by without truly participating, conveys a deep existential longing. The speaker describes a state of "waiting, very near the human," suggesting a proximity to but separation from genuine connection. The mention of "violence uncommitted" hints at a latent, unexpressed passion or energy, restrained and saved.

In the final lines, the speaker reflects on the act of fully embracing her desires—"Once I stripped and entered the pit I did not want ever to come up out of it." This metaphor of a "pit" suggests a deep, engulfing experience, possibly referring to a moment of giving in to her desires or emotions. The reluctance to "come up out of it" indicates a desire to remain in that space of raw, unfiltered experience, free from the constraints of loneliness and self-restraint.

"Celibacy at Twenty" poignantly captures the turbulence of young adulthood, the oscillation between isolation and intimacy, and the intense physical and emotional experiences that accompany periods of celibacy. Through vivid imagery and a deeply personal narrative, Sharon Olds explores the complexities of desire, the pain of detachment, and the longing for a lasting, fulfilling connection. The poem stands as a testament to the human condition, marked by a constant search for connection and the inevitable cycles of loss and renewal.

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