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Anne Sexton's poem "Cigarettes and Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women" is a reflection on a life marked by excess, suffering, and the persistent, albeit often thwarted, search for mercy and redemption. Through the use of raw, confessional language, Sexton examines the patterns of behavior and emotional turmoil that have defined her existence, while also contemplating the futility of her pursuits and the enduring hope for some form of deliverance.

The poem opens with the speaker contemplating the conditions of her birth, suggesting a predestination to suffering: "Perhaps I was born kneeling, / born coughing on the long winter, / born expecting the kiss of mercy." The act of kneeling traditionally symbolizes submission, prayer, or supplication, indicating that the speaker entered the world already in a posture of vulnerability, awaiting some form of divine intervention or relief. The reference to "coughing on the long winter" evokes a sense of harshness and cold, as if the very environment into which she was born was unforgiving and inhospitable. This early expectation of mercy hints at a deep, intrinsic need for comfort and salvation, one that the speaker has sought throughout her life.

As the poem progresses, Sexton reflects on her early disillusionment: "I learned early about the stockade / or taken out, the fume of the enema." These lines conjure images of punishment and purification, suggesting that the speaker was subjected to harsh treatments or discipline from a young age. The "stockade" symbolizes confinement and control, while the "fume of the enema" implies a forced cleansing, both of which indicate an environment where the speaker's natural desires and instincts were suppressed or punished. By the age of two or three, the speaker had already "learned not to kneel, / not to expect," a tragic realization that there would be no mercy, no relief from the suffering imposed upon her.

The poem then shifts to the speaker's response to this harsh reality: "to plant my fires underground / where none but the dolls, perfect and awful, / could be whispered to or laid down to die." This image of burying one's passions and desires "underground" speaks to the repression and internalization of her emotions. The "dolls, perfect and awful," represent a façade of perfection that hides the internal turmoil and unresolved pain. These dolls are the only ones privy to her true self, and even they are ultimately abandoned, "laid down to die," signifying the speaker's alienation and loneliness.

Sexton then reflects on the many words she has written and the loves she has experienced: "Now that I have written many words, / and let out so many loves, for so many, / and been altogether what I always was — / a woman of excess, of zeal and greed." Here, the speaker acknowledges her life as one of extremes—excessive in emotion, desire, and expression. Despite this outpouring of words and love, she finds the effort "useless," a powerful admission of the futility she feels after a lifetime of seeking meaning and fulfillment through these avenues.

The poem's tone becomes increasingly bleak as the speaker confronts her reflection: "Do I not look in the mirror, / these days, / and see a drunken rat avert her eyes?" The imagery of the "drunken rat" is both degrading and self-loathing, reflecting the speaker's profound dissatisfaction with herself and her life. The rat, often associated with filth and scavenging, embodies the speaker's sense of degradation and the loss of dignity she feels. This self-repulsion is further compounded by the acute "hunger" she experiences, which is so intense that she would "rather die than look / into its face." This hunger symbolizes an insatiable longing, perhaps for love, validation, or spiritual fulfillment, that the speaker cannot bear to confront directly because it is so deeply rooted in her psyche and her experiences of failure and disappointment.

In the final lines, the speaker returns to the posture of kneeling: "I kneel once more, / in case mercy should come / in the nick of time." This act of kneeling, which the speaker had abandoned early in life, represents a return to vulnerability and a last, desperate hope for salvation. The phrase "in the nick of time" suggests that the speaker feels she is on the brink of something—perhaps self-destruction or complete despair—and that only a timely intervention can save her. Despite the sense of futility and self-loathing that pervades the poem, this closing act of kneeling also hints at the possibility of redemption, as the speaker once again opens herself up to the potential for mercy, even if she doubts it will come.

"Cigarettes and Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women" is a powerful exploration of a life lived in extremes, marked by suffering, excess, and a persistent, yet often unfulfilled, search for meaning and mercy. Sexton’s confessional style lays bare the emotional and psychological struggles of the speaker, offering a deeply personal reflection on the complexities of desire, the burden of self-awareness, and the enduring hope for redemption, no matter how elusive it may be. Through stark and vivid imagery, Sexton captures the tension between despair and hope, highlighting the human capacity to continue seeking mercy even when it seems all but lost.


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