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A CONSISTENT GIRL, by                 Poet Analysis     Poet's Biography
First Line: Miss dorothea birmingham irene amanda / jones
Last Line: "and, dorothea, queenly and consistent, answered ""nope."
Alternate Author Name(s): F. P. A.
Subject(s): Courtship; Likes & Dislikes; Love; Man-woman Relationships; Single People; Male-female Relations; Bachelors; Unmarried People

MISS Dorothea Birmingham Irene Amanda Jones
Was one to tell about her plans in no uncertain tones.
She never staked a nickel on the fickle wheel of chance,
But reckoned all her sayings and her doings in advance.

In January Dorothea knew that in July
She'd go to such-and-such a place, with whom she'd go, and why;
She knew what minute she would rise and when she'd go to bed.
And what she'd have for dinner six or seven years ahead.

No purposes or plans so firm as were Miss Dorothea's.
Her parents used to say to her: "Oh, Dot, you have ideas!"
But argument of any sort would never alter Dot,
Or budge her one scintilla, bit, iota, tittle, jot.

Among the plans immutable that filled her pretty head
Was that concerning whom she would and whom she wouldn't wed;
Her future mate must be a man of uttermost perfection,
Whose character and pedigree would bear minute inspection.

"The man that I select," she'd say, "the husband of my choice,
Must have a giant stature and a sweet, sonorous voice;
A noble heart, a mammoth mind, a mass of curly hair,
A pretty wit—and also he must be a millionaire."

Now Padonaram Perkins was the silliest of plumbers;
His weak and astigmatic eyes had squinted sixty summers;
The chill of sixty winters used to creak and crack his bones;
But once he met upon the street Miss Dorothea Jones.

"O lady," Padonaram cried, "whoever you may be,
I'm asking you, right here and now, if you will marry me.
O lady, will you marry me? I beg, beseech and hope!"
And, Dorothea, queenly and consistent, answered "Nope."

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