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THE CASE OF SABRINA SIMPSON USCH, by                 Poet Analysis     Poet's Biography
First Line: I'm about to tell the story of sabrina simpson
Last Line: Poor sabrina, who they said had not a bit of business sense!
Alternate Author Name(s): F. P. A.
Subject(s): Ignorance; Dullness; Stupdity

I'M about to tell the story of Sabrina Simpson Usch,
Hearing which the strictest infant wouldn't even have to blush;
For I always make my stories just as moral as I can—
If you must have Mr. Chambers, read The Cosmopolitan.

All her life Sabrina Simpson (she is only twenty-one)
Had been sheltered from the figurative rain and frost and sun.
As a student she was slothful, and her intellect was small,
Why, the veriest freshman used to say she had no bean at all.

Well, Sabrina married Edgar Allen Kuppenberger Usch;
He was invalid and wealthy, and was cut down in the flush;
And he left his bride, uncalloused to the bludgeonings of Fate,
Seven hundred thousand dollars and a lot of real estate.

Then the gossips got together and they said she had no chance—
She without the slightest grasp of any problem of finance!
What would happen to that money if Sabrina had her way,
Those who knew her lack of reason did not hesitate to say.

When Sabrina heard the prodigal provisions of the will,
She had something of a tremour, which was followed by a chill,
And she said, "For me to worry is a curious thing and new,
But I haven't any business sense, and don't know what to do."

So she spent the splendid fortune and she sold the real estate,
And she hasn't seven dollars at the sadly present date.
Poor Sabrina, unendowed with any great intelligence!
Poor Sabrina, who they said had not a bit of business sense!

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