Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, LUMBAGO, by DANIEL CARMICHAEL

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LUMBAGO, by             Poet's Biography
First Line: If horror's cup is no yet full
Last Line: I'll back lumbago.
Subject(s): Pain; Teeth; Suffering; Misery; Toothaches

IF horror's cup is no yet full,
An' something left still in my skull,
Inspire me with an extra pull
Ye Muses nine,
That I the pangs sublime may cull
To grace my rhyme.

Auld grum'lin' toothache's had his day --
Has spun his discontented lay;
Why don't he stuff his stumps an' stay
His achin' jaw?
Or by a dentist's tak' his way?
'Twad flee awa.

Or if he finds that's no enough,
He needna therefore tak' the huff;
For I can put him up to snuff,
Withoot a doot:
Just tak' the deevil by the cuff
An' pu' him oot.

But try an' pu' Lumbago oot --
'Twill tak' us a' oor time I doot;
Or even let us try an' foot
Sax miles a day,
Or in oor beds e'en turn aboot,
Just if you may.

While on the back we lie an' groan,
He tickles up the marrow bone
Wi' torture's sublimated prong,
An' mak's us yell!
There's nane I ken can come't as strong
As he himsel'.

Rheumatics -- hech! but ye're nae joke;
You're no the chap I'd like to mock,
Or e'en your anger to provoke
By jibe or jeer;
That ye're a gey revengefu' bloke,
The fact is clear.

Noo, in my time I've had my share
O' pangs an' sorrows, an' to spare,
An', by the gods! I here declare --
Jingo and Jago!
'Gainst a' the ills that flesh is heir,
I'll back Lumbago.

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