Classic and Contemporary Poetry
THE THEORY AND PRACTICE OF RIVERS, by JAMES HARRISON Poet Analysis Poet's Biography First Line: The rivers of my life Last Line: Comfortably on the ground, beginning to roll. Alternate Author Name(s): Harrison, Jim Subject(s): Identity; Life; Memory; Nature; Relationships; Rivers | ||||||||
The rivers of my life: moving looms of light, anchored beneath the log at night I can see the moon up through the water as shattered milk, the nudge of fishes, belly and back in turn grating against log and bottom; and letting go, the current lifts me up and out into the dark, gathering motion, drifting into an eddy with a sideways swirl, the sandbar cooler than the air: to speak it clearly, how the water goes is how the earth is shaped. It is not so much that I got there from here, which is everyone's story: but the shape of the voyage, how it pushed outward in every direction until it stopped: roots of plants and trees, certain coral heads, photos of splintered lightning, blood vessels, the shapes of creeks and rivers. This is the ascent out of water: there is no time but that of convenience, time so that everything won't happen at once; dark doesn't fall - dark comes up out of the earth, an exhalation. It gathers itself close to the ground, rising to envelop us, as if the bottom of the sea rose up to meet us. Have you ever gone to the bottom of the sea? Mute unity of water. I sculpted this girl out of ice so beautifully she was taken away. How banal the swan song which is a water song. There never was a swan who said good-bye. My raven in the pine tree squawked his way to death, falling from branch to branch. To branch again. To ground. The song, the muffle of earth as the body falls, feather against pine needles. Near the estuary north of Guilford my brother recites the Episcopalian burial service over his dead daughter. Gloria, as in Gloria in Excelsis. I cannot bear this passion and courage; my eyes turn toward the swamp and sea, so blurred they'll never quite clear themselves again. The inside of the eye, vitreous humor, is the same pulp found inside the squid. I can see Gloria in the snow and in the water. She lives in the snow and water and in my eyes. This is a song for her. Kokopele saved me this time: flute song in soft dark sound of water over rock, the moon glitter rippling; breath caught as my hunched figure moved in a comic circle, seven times around the cabin through the woods in the dark. Why did I decide to frighten myself? Light snow in early May, wolf prints in alluvial fan, moving across the sandbar in the river braided near its mouth until the final twist; then the prints move across drift ice in a dead channel, and back into the swamp. The closest I came to describing it: it is early winter, mid-November with light snow, the ground rock-hard with frost. We are moving but I can't seem to find my wife and two daughters. I have left our old house and can't remember how to find the new one. The days are stacked against what we think we are: the story of the water babies swimming up- and downstream amid waterweed, twisting with cherubic smiles in the current, human and fish married. Again! The girl I so painfully sculpted out of ice was taken away. She said: "Goddamn the Lizard King," her night message and good-bye. The days are stacked against what we think we are: near the raven rookery inside the bend of river with snowmelt and rain flooding the bend; I've failed to stalk these birds again and they flutter and wheel above me with parental screams saying, Get out get out you bastard. The days are stacked against what we think we are. After a month of interior weeping it occurred to me that in times like these I have nothing to fall back on except the sun and moon and earth. I dress in camouflage and crawl around swamps and forest, seeing the bitch coyote five times but never before she sees me. Her look is curious, almost a smile. The days are stacked against what we think we are: it is nearly impossible to surprise ourselves. I will never wake up and be able to play the piano. South fifteen miles, still near the river, calling coyotes with Dennis E: full moon in east, northern lights in pale green swirl, from the west an immense line squall and thunderstorm approaching off Lake Superior. Failing with his call he uses the song of the loon to bring an answer from the coyotes. "They can't resist it," he says. The days are stacked against what we think we are. Standing in the river up to my waist the infant beaver peeks at me from the flooded tag alder and approaches though warned by her mother whacking her tail. About seven feet away she bobs to dive, mooning me with her small pink ass, rising again for another look, then downward swimming past my leg, still looking. The days are finally stacked against what we think we are: how long can I stare at the river? Three months in a row now with no signs of stopping, glancing to the right, an almost embarrassed feeling that the river will stop flowing and I can go home. The days, at last, are stacked against what we think we are. Who in their most hallowed, sleepless night with the moon seven feet outside the window, the moon that the river swallows, would wish it otherwise? On New Year's Eve I'm wrapped in my habits, looking up to the TV to see the red ball, the apple, rise or fall, I forget which: a poem on the cherry-wood table, a fire, a blizzard, some whiskey, three restless cats, and two sleeping dogs, at home and making three gallons of menudo for the revelers who'll need it come tomorrow after amateur night: about ten pounds of tripe, ancho, molida, serrano, and chipotle pepper, cumin, coriander, a few calves' or piglets' feet. I don't wonder what is becoming to the man already becoming. I also added a half-quart of stock left over from last night's bollito misto wherein I poach for appropriate times: fifteen pounds of veal bones to be discarded, a beef brisket, a pork roast, Italian sausage, a large barnyard hen, a pheasant, a guinea hen, and for about thirty minutes until rosy rare a whole filet, served with three sauces: tomato coulis, piquante (anchovies & capers etc.) and a rouille. Last week when my daughter came home from NYC I made her venison with truffles, also roast quail for Christmas breakfast, also a wild turkey, some roast mallards & grouse, also a cacciatore of rabbit & pheasant. Oddly the best meal of the year was in the cabin by the river: a single fresh brook trout au bleu with one boiled new potato and one wild-leek vinaigrette. By the river I try to keep alive, perhaps to write more poems, though lately I think of us all as lay-down comedians who, when we finally tried to get up, have found that our feet are mushy, and what's more, no one cares or bothers to read anymore those sotto voce below-radar flights from the empirical. But I am wrapped in my habits. I must send my prayer upward and downward. "Why do you write poems?" the stewardess asked. "I guess it's because every angel is terrible, still though, alas, I invoke these almost deadly birds of the soul," I cribbed from Rilke. The travels on dry riverbeds: Salt River, or nearly dry up Canyon de Chelly, a half-foot of water -- a skin over the brown riverbed. The Navajo family stuck with a load of dry corn and crab apples. Only the woman speaks English, the children at first shy and frightened of my blind left eye (some tribes attach importance to this -- strangely enough, this eye can see underwater). We're up on the del Muerto fork and while I'm kneeling in the water shoving rocks under the axle I glance skyward at an Anasazi cliff dwelling, the "ancient ones" they're called. This morning a young schizophrenic Navajo attacked our truck with a club, his head seeming to turn nearly all the way around as an owl's. Finally the children smile as the truck is pulled free. I am given a hatful of the most delicious crab apples in the world. I watch the first apple core float west on the slender current, my throat a knot of everything I no longer understand. Sitting on the bank, the water stares back so deeply you can hear it afterward when you wish. It is the water of dreams, and for the nightwalker who can almost walk on the water, it is most of all the water of awakening, passing with the speed of life herself, drifting in circles in an eddy joining the current again as if the eddy were a few moments' sleep. The story can't hesitate to stop. I can't find a river in Los Angeles except the cement one behind Sportsman's Lodge on Ventura. There I feel my high blood pressure like an electric tiara around my head, a small comic cloud, a miniature junkyard where my confused desires, hopes, hates, and loves short circuit in little puffs of hissing ozone. And the women are hard green horses disappearing, concealing themselves in buildings and tops of wild palms in ambush. A riverless city of redolent and banal sobs, green girls in trees, girls hard as basalt. "My grandfather screwed me when I was seven years old," she said, while I looked out at the cement river flowing with dusty rain, at three dogs playing in the cement river. "He's dead now so there's no point sweating it," she added. Up in the Amazon River Basin during a dark time Matthiessen built a raft with a native, chewed some coca leaves, boarded the raft and off they went on a river not on any map, uncharted, wanting to see the Great Mother of Snakes; a truncated version of our voyage of seventy years -- actuarial average. To see green and live green, moving on water sometimes clouded often clear. Now our own pond is white with ice. In the barnyard lying in the snow I can hear the underground creek, a creek without a name. I forgot to tell you that while I was away my heart broke and I became not so much old, but older, definably older within a few days. This happened on a cold dawn in New Iberia while I was feeding a frightened stray dog a sack of pork rinds in the rain. Three girls danced the "Cotton-Eyed Joe," almost sedate, erect, with relentless grace, where did they come from and where did they go in ever-so-delicate circles? And because of time, circles that no longer close or return to themselves. I rode the gray horse all day in the rain. The fields became unmoving rivers, the trees foreshortened. I saw a girl in a white dress standing half-hidden in the water behind a maple tree. I pretended not to notice and made a long slow circle behind a floating hedgetop to catch her unawares. She was gone but I had that prickly fear someone was watching from a tree, far up in a leaf-veil of green maple leaves. Now the horse began swimming toward higher ground, from where I watched the tree until dark. "Life, this vastly mysterious process to which our culture inures us lest we become useless citizens! And is it terrible to be lonely and ill?" she wrote. "Not at all, in fact, it is better to be lonely when ill. To others, friends, relatives, loved ones, death is our most interesting, our most dramatic act. Perhaps the best thing I've learned from these apparently cursed and bedraggled Indians I've studied all these years is how to die. Last year I sat beside a seven-year-old Hopi girl as she sang her death song in a slight quavering voice. Who among us whites, child or adult, will sing while we die?" On White Fish Bay, the motor broke down in heavy seas. We chopped ice off the gunwales quite happily as it was unlikely we'd survive and it was something to do. Ted just sat there out of the wind and spray, drinking whiskey. "I been on the wagon for a year. If I'm going to die by god at least I get to have a drink." What is it to actually go outside the nest we have built for ourselves, and earlier our father's nest: to go into a forest alone with our eyes open? It's different when you don't know what's over the hill -- keep the river on your left, then you see the river on your right. I have simply forgotten left and right, even up and down, whirl then sleep on a cloudy day to forget direction. It is hard to learn how to be lost after so much training. In New York I clocked seven tugboats on the East River in less than a half hour; then I went to a party where very rich people talked about their arches, foot arches, not architectural arches. Back at my post I dozed and saw only one more tugboat before I slept. But in New York I also saw a big hole of maddened pipes with all the direction of the swastika and a few immigrants figuring it all out with the impenetrable good sense of those who do the actual work of the world. How did I forget that rich turbulent river, so cold in the rumply brown folds of spring; by August cool, clear, glittery in the sunlight; umbrous as it dips under the logjam. In May, the river a roar beyond a thin wall of sleep, with the world of snow still gliding in rivulets down imperceptible slopes; in August through the screened window against which bugs and moths scratch so lightly, as lightly as the river sounds. How can I renew oaths I can't quite remember? In New Orleans I was light in body and soul because of food poisoning, the bathroom gymnastics of flesh against marble floor, seeing the underside of the bathtub for the first time since I was a child, and the next day crossing Cajun bridges in the Atchafalaya, where blacks were thrown to alligators I'm told, black souls whirling in brown water, whirling in an immaculate crawfish rosary. In the water I can remember women I didn't know: Adriana dancing her way home at the end of a rope, a cool Tuscany night, the apple tree in bloom; the moon which I checked was not quite full, a half-moon, the rest of the life abandoned to the dark. I warned myself all night but then halfway between my ears I turned toward the heavens and reached the top of my head. From there I can go just about anywhere I want and I've never found my way back home. This isn't the old song of the suicidal house, I forgot the tune about small windows growing smaller, the door neither big enough to enter or exit, the sinking hydraulic ceilings and the attic full of wet cement. I wanted to go to the Camargue, to Corsica, to return to Costa Rica, but I couldn't escape the suicidal house until May when I drove through the snow to reach the river. On the bank by the spring creek my shadow seemed to leap up to gather me, or it leapt up to gather me, not seeming so but as a natural fact. Faulkner said that the drowned man's shadow had watched him from the river all the time. Drowning in the bourgeois trough, a bourride or gruel of money, drugs, whiskey, hotels, the dream coasts, ass in the air at the trough, drowning in a river of pus, pus of civilization, pus of cities, unholy river of shit, of filth, shit of nightmares, shit of skewed dreams and swallowed years. The river pulls me out, draws me elsewhere and down to blue water, green water, black water. How far between the Virgin and the Garrison and back? Why is it a hundred times farther to get back, the return upriver in the dark? It isn't innocence, but to win back breath, body heat, the light that gathers around a waking animal. Ten years ago I saw the dancing Virgin in a basement in New York, a whirl of hot color from floor to ceiling, whirling in a dance. At eighteen in New York on Grove Street I discovered red wine, garlic, Rimbaud, and a red-haired girl. Livid colors not known in farm country, also Charlie Parker, Sonny Rollins, the odors from restaurant vents, thirty-five-cent Italian sausages on Macdougal, and the Hudson River: days of river-watching and trying to get on a boat for the tropics and see that Great Ocean river, the Gulf Stream. Another fifteen years before I saw the Ocean river and the sharks hanging under the sargassum weed lines, a blue river in green water, and the sharks staring back, sinking down listlessly into darker water; the torpor of heat, a hundred low-tide nights begging a forgetfulness I haven't quite earned. I forgot where I heard that poems are designed to waken sleeping gods; in our time they've taken on nearly unrecognizable shapes as gods will do; one is a dog, one is a scarecrow that doesn't work -- crows perch on the wind-whipped sleeves, one is a carpenter who doesn't become Jesus, one is a girl who went to heaven sixty years early. Gods die, and not always out of choice, like near-sighted cats jumping between buildings seven stories up. One god drew feathers out of my skin so I could fly, a favor close to terror. But this isn't a map of the gods. When they live in rivers it's because rivers have no equilibrium; gods resent equilibrium when everything that lives moves; boulders are a war of atoms, and the dandelion cracks upward through the blacktop road. Seltzer's tropical beetle grew from a larval lump in a man's arm, emerging full grown, pincers waving. On Mt. Cuchama there were so many gods passing through I hid in a hole in a rock, waking one by accident. I fled with a tight ass and cold skin. I could draw a map of this place but they're never caught in the same location twice. And their voices change from involuntary screams to the singular wail of the loon, possibly the wind that can howl down Wall St. Gods have long abandoned the banality of war though they were stirred by a hundred-year-old guitarist I heard in Brazil, also the autistic child at the piano. We'll be greeted at death so why should I wait? Today I invoked any available god back in the woods in the fog. The world was white with last week's melting blizzard, the fog drifting upward, then descending. The only sound was a porcupine eating bark off an old tree, and a rivulet beneath the snow. Sometimes the obvious is true: the full moon on her bare bottom by the river! For the gay, the full moon on the lover's prick! Gods laugh at the fiction of gender. Water-gods, moon-gods, god-fever, sun-gods, fire-gods, give this earth-diver more songs before I die. A "system" suggests the cutting off, i.e., in channel morphology, the reduction, the suppression of texture to simplify: to understand a man, or woman, growing old with eagerness you first consider the sensuality of death, an unacknowledged surprise to most. In nature the physiology has heat and color, beast and tree saying aloud the wonder of death; to study rivers, including the postcard waterfalls, is to adopt another life; a limited life attaches itself to the endless movement, the renowned underground rivers of South America which I've felt thundering far beneath my feet -- to die is to descend into such rivers and flow along in the perfect dark. But above ground I'm memorizing life, from the winter moon to the sound of my exhaustion in March when all the sodden plans have collapsed and only daughters, the dogs and cats keep one from disappearing at gunpoint. I brought myself here and stare nose to nose at the tolerant cat who laps whiskey from my mustache. Life often shatters in schizoid splinters. I will avoid becoming the cold stone wall I am straddling. I had forgot what it was I liked about life. I hear if you own a chimpanzee they cease at a point to be funny. Writers and politicians share an embarrassed moment when they are sure all problems will disappear if you get the language right. That's not all they share -- in each other's company they are like boys who have been discovered at wiener-play in the toilet. At worst, it's the gift of gab. At best it's Martin Luther King and Rimbaud. Bearing down hard on love and death there is an equal and opposite reaction. All these years they have split the pie, leaving the topping for the preachers who don't want folks to fuck or eat. What kind of magic, or rite of fertility, to transcend this shit-soaked stew? The river is as far as I can move from the world of numbers: I'm all for full retreats, escapes, a 47 yr. old runaway. "Gettin' too old to run away," I wrote but not quite believing this option is gray. I stare into the deepest pool of the river which holds the mystery of a cellar to a child, and think of those two-track roads that dwindle into nothing in the forest. I have this feeling of walking around for days with the wind knocked out of me. In the cellar was a root cellar where we stored potatoes, apples, carrots and where a family of harmless blacksnakes lived. In certain rivers there are pools a hundred foot deep. In a swamp I must keep secret there is a deep boiling spring around which in the dog days of August large brook trout swim and feed. An adult can speak dreams to children saying that there is a spring that goes down to the center of the earth. Maybe there is. Next summer I'm designing and building a small river about seventy-seven foot long. It will flow both ways, in reverse of nature. I will build a dam and blow it up. The involuntary image that sweeps into the mind, irresistible and without evident cause as a dream or thunderstorm, or rising to the surface from childhood, the longest journey taken in a split second, from there to now, without pause: in the woods with Mary Cooper, my first love wearing a violet scarf in May. We're looking after her huge mongoloid aunt, trailing after this woman who loves us but so dimly perceives the world. We pick and clean wild leeks for her. The creek is wild and dangerous with the last of the snowmelt. The child-woman tries to enter the creek and we tackle her. She's stronger, then slowly understands, half-wet and muddy. She kisses me while Mary laughs, then Mary kisses me over and over. Now I see the pools in the Mongol eyes that watch and smile with delight and hear the roar of the creek, smell the scent of leeks on her muddy lips. This is an obscene koan set plumb in the middle of the Occident: the man with three hands lacks symmetry but claps the loudest, the chicken in circles on the sideless road, a plane that takes off and can never land. I am not quite alert enough to live. The fallen nest and fire in the closet, my world without guardrails, the electric noose, the puddle that had no bottom. The fish in underground rivers are white and blind as the porpoises who live far up the muddy Amazon. In New York and LA you don't want to see, hear, smell, and you only open your mouth in restaurants. At night you touch people with rock-hard skins. I'm trying to become alert enough to live. Yesterday after the blizzard I hiked far back in a new swamp and found an iceless pond connected to the river by a small creek. Against deep white snow and black trees there was a sulfurous fumarole, rank and sharp in cold air. The water bubbled up brown, then spread in turquoise to deep black, without the track of a single mammal to drink. This was nature's own, a beauty too strong for life; a place to drown not live. On waking after the accident I was presented with the "whole picture" as they say, magnificently detailed, a child's diorama of what life appears to be: staring at the picture I became drowsy with relief when I noticed a yellow dot of light in the lower right-hand corner. I unhooked the machines and tubes and crawled to the picture, with an eyeball to the dot of light, which turned out to be a miniature tunnel at the end of which I could see mountains and stars whirling and tumbling, sheets of emotions, vertical rivers, upside-down lakes, herds of unknown mammals, birds shedding feathers and regrowing them instantly, snakes with feathered heads eating their own shed skins, fish swimming straight up, the bottom of Isaiah's robe, live whales on dry ground, lions drinking from a golden bowl of milk, the rush of night, and somewhere in this the murmur of gods -- a tree-rubbing-tree music, a sweet howl of water and rock-grating-rock, fire hissing from fissures, the moon settled comfortably on the ground, beginning to roll. | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...RIVERS INTO SEAS by LYNDA HULL TO A WOMAN GLANCING UP FROM THE RIVER by LARRY LEVIS TWO-RIVER LEDGER by KHALED MATTAWA HE FINDS THE MANSION by JAMES MCMICHAEL THE RIVERS by CLARIBEL ALEGRIA VERMILION FLYCATCHER, SAN PEDRO RIVER, ARIZONA by MARGARET ATWOOD THE PORCH OVER THE RIVER by WENDELL BERRY THE RIVER BRIDGED AND FORGOT by WENDELL BERRY THE IDEA OF BALANCE IS TO BE FOUND IN HERONS AND LOONS by JAMES HARRISON |
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