Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, BEN NEVIS (A DIALOGUE), by JOHN KEATS



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BEN NEVIS (A DIALOGUE), by             Poet's Biography
First Line: Upon my life sir nevis I am pique'd
Last Line: That fainting fit was not delayed too late.
Subject(s): Ben Nevis (mountain), Scotland


[PERSONS: MRS. CAMERON AND BEN NEVIS]

MRS. C.

UPON my life Sir Nevis I am pique'd
That I have so far panted tugg'd and reek'd
To do an hono[u]r to your old bald pate
And now am sitting on you just to bate,
Without your paying me one compliment.
Alas 'tis so with all, when our intent
Is plain, and in the eye of all Mankind
We fair ones show a preference, too blind!
You Gentle man immediately turn tail--
O let me then my hapless fate bewail!
Ungrateful Baldpate, have I not disdain'd
The pleasant Valleys--have I not, madbrain'd,
Deserted all my Pickles and preserves,
My China closet too--with wretched Nerves
To boot--say, wretched ingrate, have I not
Le[f]t my soft cushion chair and caudle pot?
'Tis true I had no corns--no! thank the fates,
My Shoemaker was always Mr. Bates.
And if not Mr. Bates why I'm not old!
Still dumb, ungrateful Nevis--still so cold!

Here the Lady took some more w[h]iskey and was putting even
more to her lips when she dashed [it] to the Ground
for the Mountain began to grumble-- which continued
for a few minutes before he thus began,

BEN NEVIS.

What whining bit of tongue and Mouth thus dares
Disturb my slumber of a thousand years?
Even so long my sleep has been secure--
And to be so awaked I'll not endure.
Oh pain--for since the Eagle's earliest scream
I've had a dam[n]'d confounded ugly dream,
A Nightmare sure. What, Madam, was it you?
It cannot be! My old eyes are not true!
Red-Crag, my Spectacles! Now let me see!
Good Heavens, Lady, how the gemini
Did you get here? O I shall split my sides!
I shall earthquake--

MRS. C.

Sweet Nevis, do not quake, for though I love
You[r] honest Countenance all things above,
Truly I should not like to be convey'd
So far into your Bosom--gentle Maid
Loves not too rough a treatment, gentle Sir--
Pray thee be calm and do not quake nor stir,
No not a Stone, or I shall go in fits--

BEN NEVIS.

I must--I shall--I meet not such tit bits--
I meet not such sweet creatures every day--
By my old night-cap, night-cap night and day,
I must have one sweet Buss--I must and shall!
Red-Crag!--What, Madam, can you then repent
Of all the toil and vigour you have spent
To see Ben Nevis and to touch his nose?
Red-Crag, I say! O I must have them close!
Red-Crag, there lies beneath my farthest toe
A vein of Sulphur--go dear Red-Crag, go--
And rub your flinty back against it--budge!
Dear Madam, I must kiss you, faith I must!
I must Embrace you with my dearest gust!
Block-head, d'ye hear--Block-head, I'll make her feel--
There lies beneath my east leg's northern heel
A cave of young earth dragons--well, my boy,
Go thither quick and so complete my joy;
Take you a bundle of the largest pines
And when the sun on fiercest Phosphor shines
Fire them and ram them in the Dragon's nest,
Then will the dragons fry and fizz their best
Until ten thousand now no bigger than
Poor Al[l]igators--poor things of one span--
Will each one swell to twice ten times the size
Of northern whale--then for the tender prize--
The moment then--for then will Red-Crag rub
His flinty back--and I shall kiss and snub
And press my dainty morsel to my breast.
Block-head, make haste!
O Muses weep the rest--
The Lady fainted and he thought her dead
So pulled the clouds again about his head
And went to sleep again--soon she was rous'd
By her affrighted servants--next day hous'd
Safe on the lowly ground she bless'd her fate
That fainting fit was not delayed too late.





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