Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, THE NEW VESTMENTS, by EDWARD LEAR

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THE NEW VESTMENTS, by             Poet's Biography
First Line: There lived an old man in the kingdom of tess
Last Line: "any more, any more, any more, never more!'"
Subject(s): Clothing & Dress; Nonsense

There lived an old man in the Kingdom of Tess,
Who invented a purely original dress;
And when it was perfectly made and complete,
He opened the door, and walked into the street.
By way of a hat, he'd a loaf of Brown Bread,
In the middle of which he inserted his head; --
His Shirt was made up of no end of dead Mice,
The warmth of whose skins was quite fluffy and nice; --
His Drawers were of Rabbit-skins; -- so were his Shoes; --
His Stockings were skins, -- but it is not known whose; --
His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops; --
His Buttons were Jujubes, and Chocolate Drops; --
His Coat was all Pancakes with Jam for a border,
And a girdle of Biscuits to keep it in order;
And he wore over all, as a screen from bad weather,
A Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched all together.
He had walked a short way, when he heard a great noise,
Of all sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings, and Boys; --
And from every long street and dark lane in the town
Beasts, Birdles, and Boys in a tumult rushed down.
Two Cows and a half ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak; --
Four Apes seized his Girdle, which vanished like smoke; --
Three Kids ate up half of his Pancaky Coat, --
And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat; --
An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his
Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies; --
And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops,
Ten Boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops. --
He tried to run back to his house, but in vain,
For Scores of fat Pigs came again and again; --
They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors, --
They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers; --
And now from the housetops with screechings descend,
Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end,
They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat, --
When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that; --
They speedily flew at his sleeves in a trice,
And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice; --
They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall, --
Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all.
And he said to himself as he bolted the door,
"I will not wear a similar dress any more,
"Any more, any more, any more, never more!'

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