Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, CLARINDON'S HOUSE-WARMING, by ANDREW MARVELL


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CLARINDON'S HOUSE-WARMING, by                 Poet Analysis     Poet's Biography
First Line: When clarindon had discern'd before hand
Last Line: He comes to be roasted next st. James's faire.
Subject(s): Hyde, Edward. 1st Earl Of Clarendon


When Clarindon had discern'd before hand
(As the Cause can eas'ly foretell the Effect)
At once three deluges threatening our land,
'Twas the season, he thought, to turn Architect.

Us Mars and Apollo and Vulcan consume,
While he, the betrayer of England and Flander,
Like the Kings-fisher chuses to build in the brume,
And nestles in flames like the Salamander.

But (observing that Mortalls run often behind,
So unreasonable are the rates that they buy at)
His omnipotence, therefore, much rather design'd
How he might create an House with a fiat.

He had read of Rhodopis, a Lady of Thrace,
That was digg'd up so often ere she did marry:
And wisht that his Daughter had had as much Grace
To erect him a Pyramid out of her Quarry:

But then (recollecting how harper Amphion
Made Thebes danse aloft while he fidled and sung)
He thought (as an instrument he was most free on)
To build with the Jews-trump of his own toungue.

Yet a Precedent fitter in Virgil he found
Of African Poltney and Tyrian Dide
That she begg'd, for a Palace, so much of his ground
As might carry the measure and name of an Hide.

Thus daily his gowty invention he paind;
And all for to save the expense of brick-bat,
That Engine so fatall which Denham had brain'd
And too much resembled his Wife's Chocolatt.

But while these devices he all does compare
None solid enough seem'd for this Throng-caster:
He himself would not dwell in a Castle of aire,
Though he'd built full many an one for his Master.

Already he'd got all our money and cattell
To buy us for slaves and to purchase our lands:
What Joseph by famine, he wrought by Sea-battell;
Nay scarce the Priests portion could scape from his hands.

And, hence-forth, like Pharao, that Israel prest
To make mortar and brick and yet allow'd 'm no straw,
He car'd not though Egypt's ten Plagues us infest,
So he could but to build make that Policy Law.

The Scotch-forts and Dunkirke, but that they were sold,
He would have demolisht to raise up his Walls;
Nay even from Tangier sent back for the Mold,
But that he had nearer the Stone of St. Pauls.

His wood would come in at the easyest rate,
As long as the yards had a deale or a sparre:
His friend in the Navy would not be ingrate
To grudge him for timber, who fram'd him the War.

To proceed on this Moddell, he call'd in his Allans --
The two Allans when joviall that ply him with galons,
The two Allans that serve his blind justice for balance,
The two Allans that serve his injustice for talons.

They approv'd it thus far and said it was fine,
Yet his Lordship to finish it would be unable
Unlesse all abroad he divulg'd the designe:
But his House then would grow like a vegetable.

His rent would no more in arreare run to Worster;
He should dwell more nobly and cheaper too at home,
While into a fabrick the presents would muster,
As by hooke and by crooke the world clustered of Atome.

He lik'd the advice and they soon it assay'd;
And presents crowd headlong to give good example;
So the Bribes overlayd her that Rome once betrayd;
The Tribes ne'r contributed so to the Temple.

Streight Judges, Priests, Bishops (true sons of the Seale)
Sinners, Governors, Farmers, Banquiers, Patentees
Bring in the whole milk of a yeare at a meale:
As all Chedder Dairies club to th' incorporate Cheese.

Bulteale's, Bealin's, Morley's, Wren's fingers with telling
Were shrivled, and Clutterbook's, Eager's, and Kipps:
Since the Act of Oblivion was never such selling
As at this benevolence out of the snipps.

'Twas then that the Chimney contractors he smok'd
Now would take his belov'd Canary in kind:
But he swore that the Patent should n'er be revok'd,
Not, would the whole Parliament kisse him behind.

For foundation he Bristoll sunk in the earth's bowell;
And St. John must now for the Leads be complaint,
Or his right hand shall else be hackt off with a trowell.

For surveying the building Prat did the feate;
But for the expense he rely'd upon Wost'holme,
Who sat heretofore at the Kings receit,
But receiv'd now and paid the Chancellor's Custome.

By subsidyes thus both clerick and laick,
And of matter profane cemented with holy,
He finisht at last his Palace mosaick;
By a modell more excellent than Leslye's-folly.

And upon the Tarras to concummate all,
A Lantern, like Fauxe's, surveys the burnt town;
And shows, on the top, by the regall gold ball,
Where you are to expect the Scepter and Crowne.

Fond City its rubbish and ruines that builds,
Like vain Chymists, a flowr from its ashes returning;
Your Metropolis-house in St. James's feilds
And till there you remove you shall never leave burning.

This Temple of Warre and of Peace is the shrine
Where our Idoll of State sits ador'd and accurst:
And to hansell his Altar and nostrills divine
Greate Buckingham's Sacrifice must be the first.

Now some, as all Builders must censure abide,
Throw dust on its front and blame situation:
And others as much reprehend his backside,
As too narrow by farre for his expatiation.

But do not consider, in processe of times,
That, for name's sake, he may with Hide-park it enlarge;
And with what convenience he hence for his crimes
As Tyburn may land, and spare the Tow'r-barge.

Or rather, how wisely his Stall was built near,
Lest with driving too farre, his tallow impaire;
When like the whole Ox, for publick good cheare
He comes to be roasted next St. James's Faire.





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