Classic and Contemporary Poetry
MOTHERS-IN-LAW, by JOHN GODFREY SAXE Poet's Biography First Line: If you ever should marry, said major mcgarth Last Line: She will never appear as your mother-in-law! Subject(s): Mothers-in-law | ||||||||
IF you ever should marry, said Major McGarth, While smoking a pipe by my bachelor-hearth, If you ever should wed, -- and I would n't employ A word to prevent it, my broth of a boy, -- Remember that wedlock's a company where The parties, quite often, are more than a pair; 'T is a lott'ry in which you are certain to draw A wife, and, most likely, a mother-in-law! What the latter may be all conjecture defies: She is never a blank; she is seldom a prize; Sometimes she is silly; sometimes she is bold; Sometimes -- rather worse! -- she's a virulent scold. You dreamed of an angel to gladden your home, And with her -- God help you! -- a harpy has come; You fished for a wife without failing or flaw, And find you have netted -- a mother-in-law! "Dear Anna," she says, "as you clearly may see, Has always been used to depending on me; Poor child! though the gentlest that ever was known, She could never be trusted a moment alone; Such sensitive nerves, and such delicate lungs!" Cries the stoutest of dames with the longest of tongues. "Like mother like child; you remember the saw; I'm weakly myself," says your mother-in-law! But your mother-in-law, you discover erelong, Though feeble in body, in temper is strong; And so you surrender, -- what else can you do? She governs your wife, and your servants, and you; And calls you a savage, the coarsest of brutes, For trampling the carpet with mud on your boots; And vows she committed a stupid "fox-paw" In rashly becoming your mother-in-law! And so, said the Major, pray, let me advise The carefullest use of your ears and your eyes; And ceteris paribus, take you a maid (Of widows, my boy, I am something afraid!) Who gives you -- the darling! -- her hand and her love, With a sigh for her "dear sainted mother above!" From which the conclusion you safely may draw, She will never appear as your mother-in-law! | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...TO MY MOTHER by EDGAR ALLAN POE OVER THE WAY by MARY ELIZABETH MAPES DODGE THE BROKEN HEART by JAMES HOGG THE WIDOW TO HER SON'S BETROTHED by CAROLINE ELIZABETH SARAH SHERIDAN NORTON HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW by WALTER PARKE NEW ENGLAND MOTHER-IN-LAW by FRANCES FUERST QUICK SUCKING CIDER THROUGH A STRAW by ANONYMOUS FIRST MEETING WITH A POSSIBLE MOTHER-IN-LAW by THOMSON WILLIAM GUNN DEATH AND CUPID; AN ALLEGORY by JOHN GODFREY SAXE |
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