Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, INSTRUCTIONS TO CELEBRATED LAUREAT: GEORGE III VISITS BREWERY, by JOHN WOLCOTT


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Classic and Contemporary Poetry

INSTRUCTIONS TO CELEBRATED LAUREAT: GEORGE III VISITS BREWERY, by                 Poet Analysis     Poet's Biography
First Line: Muse, sing the stir that happy whitbread made
Last Line: Rattled his chain, and wagged his tail for wonder.
Alternate Author Name(s): Pindar, Peter; Wolcot, John
Subject(s): Beer; Courts & Courtiers; Drinks & Drinking; George Iii, King Of England (1738-1820); Guests; Ale; Wine; Visiting


MUSE, sing the stir that happy Whitbread made;
Poor gentleman! most terribly afraid
He should not charm enough his guests divine:
He gave his maids new aprons, gowns, and smocks;
And lo! two hundred pounds were spent in frocks,
To make th' apprentices and draymen fine:

Busy as horses in a field of clover,
Dogs, cats, and chairs, and stools were tumbled over,
Amidst the Whitbread rout of preparation,
To treat the lofty Ruler of the nation.
Now moved King, Queen, and Princesses so grand,
To visit the first Brewer in the land;
Who sometimes swills his beer and grinds his meat
In a snug corner christened Chiswell-street;
But oft'ner, charmed with fashionable air,
Amidst the gaudy Great of Portman-square.

Lord Aylesbury, and Denbigh's Lord also,
His Grace the Duke of Montague likewise,
With Lady Harcourt, joined the raree-show,
And fixed all Smithfield's marv'ling eyes:
For lo! a greater show ne'er graced those quarters,
Since Mary roasted, just like crabs, the martyrs

Arrived, the King broad grinned, and gave a nod
To smiling Whitbread, who, had God
Come with his angels to behold his beer,
With more respect he never could have met—
Indeed the man was in a sweat,
So much the Brewer did the King revere.

Her Majesty contrived to make a dip:
Light as a feather then the King did skip,
And asked a thousand questions, with a laugh,
Before poor Whitbread comprehended half.

Reader! my Ode should have a simile—
Well! in Jamaica, on a tam'rind tree,
Five hundred parrots, gabbling just like Jews,
I've seen—such noise the feathered imps did make,
As made my very pericranium ache—
Asking and telling parrot news:

Thus was the brewhouse filled with gabbling noise,
Whilst draymen, and the Brewer's boys,
Devoured the questions that the King did ask:
In diff'rent parties were they staring seen,
Wond'ring to think they saw a King and Queen!
Behind a tub were some, and some behind a cask.

Some draymen forced themselves (a pretty luncheon)
Into the mouth of many a gaping puncheon;
And through the bung-hole winked with curious eye,
To view, and be assured what sort of things
Were Princesses, and Queens, and Kings,
For whose most lofty station thousands sigh!
And lo! of all the gaping puncheon clan,
Few were the mouths that had not got a man!

Now Majesty into a pump so deep
Did with an opera-glass so curious peep;
Examining with care each wondrous matter
That brought up water!

Thus have I seen a magpie in the street,
A chatt'ring bird we often meet,
A bird for curiosity well known,
With head awry,
And cunning eye,
Peep knowingly into a marrow-bone.

And now his curious M[ajest]y did stoop
To count the nails on ev'ry hoop;
And lo! no single thing came in his way,
That, full of deep research, he did not say,
'What's this? hae, hae? what's that? what's this? what's that?'
So quick the words too, when he deigned to speak,
As if each syllable would break its neck.

Thus, to the world of great whilst others crawl,
Our Sov'reign peeps into the world of small:
Thus microscopic geniuses explore
Things that too oft provoke the public scorn;
Yet swell of useful knowledges the store,
By finding systems in a peppercorn.

Now boasting Whitbread serious did declare,
To make the Majesty of England stare,
That he had butts enough, he knew,
Placed side by side, to reach along to Kew:
On which the King with wonder swiftly cried,
'What, if they reach to Kew then, side by side,
What would they do, what, what, placed end to end?'
To whom, with knitted, calculating brow,
The Man of Beer most solemnly did vow
Almost to Windsor that they would extend;
On which the King, with wond'ring mien,
Repeated it unto the wond'ring Queen:
On which, quick turning round his haltered head,
The Brewer's horse, with face astonished, neighed;
The Brewer's dog too poured a note of thunder,
Rattled his chain, and wagged his tail for wonder.





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