Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, THE CHRISTENIN', by PRIAM [PSEUD.]


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Classic and Contemporary Poetry

THE CHRISTENIN', by                    
First Line: "on the plains of tooraneedin, where the rabbits keep on breedin'"
Last Line: He's the one and only christian pig in all the countryside
Alternate Author Name(s): Priam
Subject(s): Baptism;christianity;ireland;pigs; Christenings;irish;boars;hogs


ON the plains of Tooraneedin, where the rabbits keep on breedin',
Where the sheep break through the fences, and the cows are fierce and wild,
In a farmhouse near the "river" (which was flowing hardly ever),
In the family of Maloney had arrived the seventh child.

There was Pathrick and Honora ('twas her mother's name before her),
There was Bridget, Kate, and Edward, and that Murty rogue as well;
And with Number Seven squealing, old Maloney said, with feeling—
"Begobs, 'tis I'm the man deserves to ind his days in h_____l.

"For 'tis sinful an' surprisin' that there's divil a baptizin'
Has any av thim childher iver had from any praste;
Faith, if Father Dooley knew ut (him that married me to rue ut),
Av purgatorial penance I wud get a fearful taste.

"Now, I hear that at the station there's a praste av reputation—
A jolly bhoy who'd christen thim an' niver turn a hair;
Oi'll sind for him tomorrow; for 'tis shame to me an' sorrow
That I've niver sought His Riverince all th' toime that he's been there."

So Maloney in the morning at the station gave his warning
And Father McInulty heard his story with a grin;
"You muster up the siven and I'll help them all to hiven
This evenin' after sunsit, just as fast as they'll come in."

That night the nine Maloneys, with their neighbours and their cronies,
Sat waiting for the Father, who arrived a little late;
There were lights and water handy (and maybe a drop of brandy)
When Father McInulty's trap pulled up beside the gate.

Their thirst they had abated in the hour that they had waited,
For a christenin needs the comfort of a drop of good potheen;
And Maloney's nose was reddened, and his eyes a trifle deadened,
But 'twas dark within the parlour, and it couldn't well be seen.

Inside Maloney's kitchen all the kids with fun were twitchin'
For to be baptized was something they had never known before;
And a list of names was handed to the Father, who commanded
The evening's operations like a general at the war.

They put the blessed candle in a bottle—'twas a scandal,
But no other thing to hold it in the farmhouse could be found;
And from Murty up to Paddy all were dragged in by their daddy—
The Holy Church received them; and the baby's turn came round.

Then behold, there was a scuffling, and a grunting, and a snuffling,
And a sudden gust of wind came in and put the candle out.
"Where the divil is that baby?" "Och, he's on the flagstones, maybe!"
And Maloney picked up something. "Call him James!" they heard him shout

And the Latin words went racing, while Maloney stood embracing
The baby; but he muttered, "By me sowl, he's pretty big!"
Till Bridget struck a light and screeched out loud in accents frightened
"God save us, holy Father! Ye're baptizin' Murty's pig!"

And the pig it kicked and wriggled, while the spalpeen Murty giggled
Till Maloney bent above him, and he gripped him by the ear.
But says Father Mac, "Don't bate him; faith, 'tis not yourself should hate him,
For the pig's as good a Christian as you've been this fourteen year!"

Now up at Tooraneedin there's a pig of Berkshire breedin'
Whom people come to gaze at, from districts far and wide;
They point at him declaring you can gather from his bearing
He's the one and only Christian pig in all the countryside.





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