NOW doc, come off! You with the bucksaw. What Designs have you upon me? As to you, You with the cleaver and the derrick—hike! Out on your way—I'll whale you black and blue! And you, you also, with the Spanish look, And the new ice-pick in your cruel grip— I do not need your services—skidoo— Go doctor some ham actor with the pip. You say you'll cure my habit—that you can Make excavations in my works, and thus Bring back my health and kill my yen yen? Why Must such a process cause so large a fuss? You'll put excelsior in my dome because I'd have no hop-thoughts then, and only think Of eating apple pies made out of ice, And purple biscuits, lined with hand-carved zinc? Now, you three doctors, in my golden youth, When I was sailing through the China Seas, I learned that alligators cannot waltz Unless you bribe them with Camembert cheese. If you have cheese to shed, pray shed it now, For on the lounge a baby crocodile Looks at you so appealingly and barks. "Give me a mule's egg—I am wild to smile!" Tend to that baby crocodile and let Me rest in peace—remove your picks and saws— For I don't need a single, lonesome thing, Except a smoke to loosen up my jaws! | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...NATURE; SONNET by HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW TO QUILCA; A COUNTRY HOUSE IN NO GOOD REPAIR by JONATHAN SWIFT THE REPLY OF SOCRATES, CONCERNING THE WRITINGS OF HERACLITUS by JOHN BYROM TO SIR JOHN FENN by WILLIAM COWPER THE LOST PIECE OF SILVER; A PRAYER by DINAH MARIA MULOCK CRAIK ON FINDING A DEAD BIRD UNDER MY WINDOW by WILLIAM HENRY DAVIES THE ASSIGNATION, OR LOVE IN A NUNNERY: PROLOGUE by JOHN DRYDEN |