EVEN at that same second when I set, For the first time, swift eyes on Your fair face, Even as Your magic voice, like flageolet Or flute, came, all resistless, to uncase, Strip and lay bare my heart, then bow'd and swept Across its strings which, at that instant wept For joy and pain, for happy grief to be Filled with such infinite felicity. ... Even at that old, initial hour I knew Utter assurance, felt, o'erwhelmingly, I only reached my real self with You. Knew this, and felt it in my fibres; yet, Though all my world went rocking, held it base To love You to another's hurt, so met My Fate unflinching, ready to embrace Disaster, doom. Pre-destined to accept The all-but unendurable, I stepped Aside. I shunned You. Stubborn to win free, Spoke sometimes roughly, oft ungraciously, Striving incessant, failing to subdue Instincts uncrushable, which made me see I only reached my real self with You. You went. I stayed—still steadfast to forget— And, although failing finally to chase Remembrance, found flood fall to rivulet Whose soft susurrus, ceaseless, bore sweet trace Of You throughout my being, (which, once steeped Within Your aura, scarcely conscious, kept You ever in its essence), brought to me At luminous moments, irresistibly, That mystic knowledge, shattering but true, That sad, that exquisite, stabbing certainty, I only reached my real self with You. My days danced past in dolorous minuet, The years rushed on in unrelenting race, I lived, the while, in hindrance and regret, Hapless and helpless, impotent to erase Remembrance of a happiness unreaped, Ideal and illusive, which had peeped Forth from the night, to hold my soul in fee, Servant and serf for perpetuity— To bid me kiss the rod and wear the rue— Me, who, long since, had sensed so signally I only reached my real self with You. Then, of a sudden, Fate absolved my debt, Or careless Chance, capricious, gave me grace, Brought us to Tracy Bridge, and broke the net Of Inhibition in one second's space. ... Thus, that strong love, which had not died, but slept, Fast as that first, fair time, took fire and leapt To flame; found fuel; fervent devotee, Went waxing white-hot from intensity, Till every fibre of my being grew But more aware to what divine degree I found, and reached, my real self with You. @3Envoi@1 Lady and Loveliest, Dream of Dreams, in-seeped Within my soul, I know each word inept, Inadequate, unworthy assignee Of this, Love's message. Yet, most generously, Receive my humble chant in your sweet view. ... Believe, and doubt not, Dear Divinity, I only reach my real self with You. |