Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, MISS KILMANSEGG AND HER PRECIOUS LEG: HER PRECIOUS LEG, by THOMAS HOOD


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Classic and Contemporary Poetry

MISS KILMANSEGG AND HER PRECIOUS LEG: HER PRECIOUS LEG, by                 Poet Analysis     Poet's Biography
First Line: As the twig is bent, the tree's inclined
Last Line: As a member for all the county!
Subject(s): Amputees


'As the twig is bent, the tree's inclined',
Is an adage often recall'd to mind,
Referring to juvenile bias:
And never so well is the verity seen,
As when to the weak, warp'd side we lean,
While Life's tempests and hurricanes try us.

Even thus with Miss K. and her broken limb,
By a very, very remarkable whim,
She shew'd her early tuition:
While the buds of character came into blow
With a certain tinge that served to show
The nursery culture long ago,
As the graft is known by fruition!

For the King's Physician, who nursed the case,
His verdict gave with an awful face,
And three others concurr'd to egg it;
That the Patient to give old Death the slip,
Like the Pope, instead of a personal trip,
Must send her Leg as a Legate.

The limb was doom'd -- it couldn't be saved!
And like other people the patient behaved,
Nay, bravely that cruel parting braved,
Which makes some persons so falter,
They rather would part, without a groan,
With the flesh of their flesh, and bone of their bone,
They obtain'd at St George's altar.

But when it came to fitting the stump
With a proxy limb -- then flatly and plump
She spoke, in the spirit olden;
She couldn't -- she shouldn't -- she wouldn't have wood!
Nor a leg of cork, if she never stood,
And she swore an oath, or something as good,
The proxy limb should be golden!

A wooden leg! what, a sort of peg,
For your common Jockeys and Jennies!
No, no, her mother might worry and plague --
Weep, go down on her knees, and beg,
But nothing would move Miss Kilmansegg!
She could -- she would have a Golden Leg,
If it cost ten thousand guineas!

Wood indeed, in Forest or Park,
With its sylvan honours and feudal bark,
Is an aristocratical article:
But split and sawn, and hack'd about town,
Serving all needs of pauper or clown,
Trod on! stagger'd on! Wood cut down
Is vulgar -- fibre and particle!

And Cork! -- when the noble Cork Tree shades
A lovely group of Castilian maids,
'Tis a thing for a song or sonnet! --
But cork, as it stops the bottle of gin,
Or bungs the beer -- the small beer -- in,
It pierced her heart like a corking-pin,
To think of standing upon it!

A Leg of Gold -- solid gold throughout,
Nothing else, whether slim or stout,
Should ever support her, God willing!
She must -- she could -- she would have her whim,
Her father, she turn'd a deaf ear to him --
He might kill her -- she didn't mind killing!
He was welcome to cut off her other limb --
He might cut her all off with a shilling!

All other promised gifts were in vain,
Golden Girdle, or Golden Chain,
She writhed with impatience more than pain,
And utter'd 'pshaws!' and 'pishes!'
But a Leg of Gold! as she lay in bed,
It danced before her -- it ran in her head!
It jump'd with her dearest wishes!

'Gold -- gold -- gold! Oh, let it be gold!'
Asleep or awake that tale she told,
And when she grew delirious:
Till her parents resolved to grant her wish,
If they melted down plate, and goblet, and dish,
The case was getting so serious.

So a Leg was made in a comely mould,
Of Gold, fine virgin glittering gold,
As solid as man could make it --
Solid in foot, and calf, and shank,
A prodigious sum of money it sank;
In fact 'twas a Branch of the family Bank,
And no easy matter to break it.

All sterling metal -- not half-and-half,
The Goldsmith's mark was stamp'd on the calf --
'Twas pure as from Mexican barter!
And to make it more costly, just over the knee,
Where another ligature used to be,
Was a circle of jewels, worth shillings to see,
A new-fangled Badge of the Garter!

'Twas a splendid, brilliant, beautiful Leg,
Fit for the Court of Scander-Beg,
That Precious Leg of Miss Kilmansegg!
For, thanks to parental bounty,
Secure from Mortification's touch,
She stood on a member that cost as much
As a Member for all the County!





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