Poetry Explorer- Classic Contemporary Poetry, HERE IS MUSIC: 20, by AUSTIN PHILIPS


Poetry Explorer

Classic and Contemporary Poetry

HERE IS MUSIC: 20, by                    
First Line: How do I know I love you?
Last Line: Bodily death ... But never sad satiety.
Subject(s): Friendship; Love; Relationships


HOW do I know I love You?
Oh, draw near
And listen, Dear.
Drop down afresh, anew,
In that deep, spacious chair
Which fronts this wood-fed fire.
Sit silent there,
While red-tongued flames aspire,
Lift your loved eyes and feed
My eager lips with inspiration, bring
Right words for my rare need.
Give ease to stumbling speech,
Give ease, I say, and teach
Me, for this once, to touch true master-string.
Help me achieve expression, aid me sing
A song,
Not long
Nor over-skill'd,
But simple, faithful, fill'd
With feeling: such as wells
Forth from man's soul and tells
Its fond, full-flowing tale—
Albeit in numbers frail—
Flood-like, involuntary,
Crystal in cadency,
Whose high integrity
Carries conviction, comes to strike and ring
Clear on the heart, because itself heart-issuing.

How do I know I love You?
Hearken now
To words which flow,
Fluid and fast, fire-new,
Fanned into life beneath
Your spell, that nought shall shake
Save dusty Death,
Nor mortal hand may break.
Learn that, adown long days,
Walking in spiritual loneliness,
Hungry for Love, Love's ways
I sought unceasing; found
What seemed Love's Self, yet crowned
With further failure that which seemed success,
Or grasped flung handkerchief in recklessness;
Found sex
Perplex
And fog me, bind
Body, leave heart, soul, mind
Insatiate; in despair
Yet further sought; found Fair
Lose all allure, delight,
Turn foul before my sight,
Tedious in tenancy,
Odious in intimacy,
Nay, even spiritually
Forge chains more harsh than solitude could bring
When I walked lonely, loveless, wandered wayfaring.

How do I know I love You?
Learn there lives
One law which gives
Light, comprehension, clue
To Love: Law framed by Fate,
Law Median-like and learned
By me, alas! full late:
Law which—had I discerned
Its truth long since—had saved
Me hungry morrows, midnight miseries,
Wild woes engrossed, engraved
On my sad heart's core, dumb
And cruel gridings, numb,
Cold griefs, remorse, regrets, adulteries
Of soul and body, blatant blasphemies
'Gainst Love
Who strove
Gracious, day after day,
To point appropriate way,
In lofty charity
To lend his light to me,
To aid, in God-like ruth,
My eyes to grasp the truth,
To lift the lead-like cloud
That fogged them, bid my proud
Deaf spirit shake fell shroud,
Look full on light, so learn true love must be
Not willed nor sought, but instant ... all involuntary.

How do I know I love You?
List, at least,
That I, who feast
Eyes famished, fond and true,
On your fair face this night,
In all my life but twice
Loved at first sight,
Leaped swift to sacrifice
My soul and self, would lay
First-fruits on one high altar; servant, priest,
Stand minist'ring alway,
Loyal to last, least hour,
Possess'd as by some Pow'r
Outside myself, aware of tranquil breast,
Informed as ne'er before, with Peace and Rest,
And yet
Firm-set
On deed not dream,
Knowing heart, brain, soul teem
With thirst for action, ask
Time still to compass task
Not all unworthy, prove
Me worthy thus, of love—
Be this by minstrelsy
Or braver service—try
Humbly to glorify
Her whose incomparable Beauty came
Like lightning flash to fill my life with freshened flame.

Once was when Love's fierce light
Flashed through me, still'd
My soul, yet filled
It sudden with glad, bright
Thirst for accomplishment,
Hunger for service, brought
New life, and sent
Swift, sacred message, taught
Me deep, much-hid desire,
Beacon'd my boyish bosom, touched my heart
With fierce, essential fire,
With visions brave and boon,
When first I gazed, that June
Evening at sunset, ere across, athwart
Parched bracken, purple shadows passed to swart. ...
What time,
Sublime,
Before my eyes,
My Mother—Malvern—wise,
Goodly and kind and grave,
Smiled on Her son, and gave
Him gracious greeting, stood
Guarding Her gallant brood,
Glad hills for background: these
Sloping to terraces
Whence, 'yond lush meads, tall trees,
She watched sweet Severn saunter summer plain,
And smiled on Worcester's Tow'r, and Tewkesbury's faint, dim fane.

The second time Love came,
Resistless, swift,
To soothe, yet lift
My soul with instant flame,
Was unforgettable hour
When first on my mazed ears
The magic pow'r
Of wondrous voice brought tears
To hung'ring heart and sent
My stricken senses reeling 'neath its sound,
So that my being went
Dissolving, felt the blood,
Stirred to strong spate, fast flood,
Flow, reinforced and forward, from profound
Arterial recesses, riot, bound,
Bid me
To be
Yours, cross and take
You in my arms and make
You once more mine, re-live
Lives lost long since, revive
Imperial Pasts, renew
Aeons-old retinue,
Incomparable sequences
Of lost existences,
Lived to sweet cadences
Welling from Her—my heart's primordial choice—
Who blends the Music of the Spheres in one blest voice.

You know, now, why I love You.
But know, too,
My Dear, that though
You fill me through and through
With deep, high Happiness,
Rest me, yet stimulate,
Help me express
My inmost self, abate
Unrest; awake, stir, lull,
Excite my senses by your beauty; bring
My life's flood to the full,
Bid me touch heights, before
Scarce-dreamed of, nevermore
To be beheld, whate'er my wandering,
Still less to be achieved 'fore Death shall sting
And chill
And will
Me into dust,
Make merciless end to lust
Of living ... know, Heart's Emperess, that I
Ask naught, nor crave nor cry
For union; but sight, see
What is, and what must be;
In calm resolvedness
Bow before pitiless
Fate; in serene distress
Accept harsh ruling, stricken, steadfast stand
In Stoic apatheia, 'neath her sharp command.

You know, now, how I love You.
Learn, too—lest
Aught but the ultimate best
Exist between us two
In Love's sweet, sacred way—
I would not have, nor ask,
That things to-day
Were otherwise, nor bask
In Falsehood, fearing Truth. ...
Since I was born some dozen years too soon,
Or You, who yet have Youth,
Two full decades too late
To be my body's mate,
I ask, I crave, I seek but one frail boon
In this my lessening life's late afternoon,
That we
Should be,
Still to the end,
Stimulus, strength, true Friend
Each unto each, thus glean—
In time of joy, gloom, teen—
Fortitude, faith to stand
Firm to our souls' command,
Spiritual lovers, give
Greatly, so largely live,
Gen'rous and gladly strive,
Go forward, till such time as comes to me
Bodily death ... but never sad satiety.





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